Gloat some yellow, devil’s color (Songs written at the age of 15-20)

I Should Have Known Better

He stepped into my life* and he raped my heart and he smothered my soul, I should have known better
Than to force myself upon him like that, but he had my mind, he might as well swallow me whole
I never knew
What a man was capable to do
So I laid down to die
But the pain wouldn’t stop or stay inside
And I begged to melt, I begged to vanish
But I kept on breathing, it kept/went on carving
And I was trashed and torn and used
And I should have known better than to fucking need you
She sounded so happy, of course she was happy, who wouldn’t be happy to be with you?
I’m gonna leave, no chance in hell I stay
But what good does it do to be elsewhere when no matter where I am, I will be there waiting for you?
That was the end of the world
Good, I hated the world.

* I stepped into his life

And Now What?

1. Good, it was a good morning, when you put your hand on me*, and rolled over, continued to sleep
I knew, nothing could get better than that, nothing could get worse than that
I had waited my whole life for that one touch
Once I thought I was close, it wasn’t so, it vanished

Ch. And now what?
And now what?
And now what?

2. You went out, I stayed in the same position, cause the good girl didn’t dare move, afraid it all be gone if I opened my eyes
You returned, I glued myself to you, since you were more important to keep me alive, than any internal organ
Once I had something, now I’ve got nothing

Ch. And now what?
And now what?
And now what?

3. Gone, gone is that good morning, I am gone, for you everything is back to normal, for me the end of the world has passed**
You asked me to forgive you, as if you were to blame, my love take care of yourself, cause I am gone at last
Once I caught a glimpse, now I see nothing

Ch. And now what?
And now what?
And now what?
And now what?
And now what?
And now what?
(fade out)

* arms around me
*my whole life has passed

Oh No

1. They all walk away from me
We all know why
They all laugh knowingly
Knowing I’m going to die

Ch. Oh no oh no
No, no, no
Oh no oh no Oh no oh
No, no, no
No no no

2. They all walk out on me
I’ve stopped trusting long ago
I wish we could not see
Why you see, what I woe?
 
Ch. Oh no oh no
No, no, no
Oh no oh no Oh no oh
No, no, no
No no no

Br. What wouldn’t I do
to be pretty like you?
And what wouldn’t I sacrifice,
If I could look the way she does?

Ch. Oh no oh no
No, no, no
Oh no oh no Oh no oh
No, no, no
No no no

Marticia

1. Marticia, where’re you going, where’re you going, looking pale?
And I knew it, when you told me, that no luck can be for sale
And I knew that you were right, your words; it’s better to be
Pretty and not gifted, than like us, but with all the arts there is in the world

2. We categorize our symptoms; have ‘em all more or less
We’re as sick as can be, it looks darker for us, than for all the rest
For me he was the piece that I’d missed
For him, I was just another girl he’s kissed

Ch. And I know it hurts
But it always gets worse

3. Marticia, I’m going down, I’m going down, to where I came from, from hell, to hell
Marticia I’ve lost the only thing I ever had
Marticia, I can’t even love anymore
For me he was the piece that I’d missed
For him I barely exist

Ch. And I know it hurts
But it always gets worse

4. Marticia, I left it all behind me
I can’t carry it anymore
Will you sing to me a lullaby as I’m leaving
Rapidly going down, faster than ever before*
For me he was the piece that I’d missed
And for him, I was nothing

Ch. And I know it hurts
But it always gets worse

*Rapidly going away more scared than ever before

Caterpillar

1. I’m the caterpillar in the cocoon
I’ve been mummified since always
I’m in a steady position of change
But I just can’t stop remain

2. I come to sick conclusions
So I will not eat, to make you love me permanently
Gotta be numb, but still awake
No excitement whatsoever, no hesitation

3. It’s cold in here, just skin and bones
I slide away till there is nothing but you
As if you were that important

4. And I blame you all for your unwillingness to unite
But what gives me that right
Since I’m totally brought un-together

5. And I’m looking for someone to put me to one
But I’m worn, and who wants someone like that

6. One after one, I stand you in line
You run far away, but I can still see your shadow and traces

7. I finally got over, then other took the places
When/Then I think this is the real me
And I blame you all for your unwillingness to collaborate
Though/Since I see my love when my eyes are closed
(So) I suppose I have to sleep with my eyes open tonight

8. They say you gotta reach the bottom to be able to get up
It’s unbearable that I’m not quite there yet

9. Task: I haven’t developed since the age of twelve
How does/can something undeveloped stop develop?
I don’t know anyone as depending/dependent as I

10. Always use two separate glasses, to separate myself, in need of being special/different just misunderstood
And I blame you all for not listening, and I blame you all for your unwillingness to collide
But no one blames me for not talking
I guess that you don’t care enough
God, even you are sleeping
God, even you are sleeping

People In The World

1. He said his keys to his apartment, had been gone for quite sometime
So I couldn’t get to borrow them, when I wanted him
Therefore I went home, in lust and aggravation
Yearning for something he couldn’t give
Of all that’s said, I regret it more than you
Cause I spread my legs and I opened my scars
And if that had made you despise me, it had been worth it
But you left me cold and dry, and forgot about my being

Ch. The anticlimax, the rejection, the lacked shade of the ever eternal deception
Showed me you’re just like all the other people in the world
Yes the anticlimax, the rejection, the lacked shade of thy ever eternal deception
Showed me you’re just like all the other people in the world

2. It’s late at night, I don’t own myself, and that you don’t own me is much worse
I wanna talk to him about ‘em speeches, ‘bout ‘em pollack and reign and that fantastic man voice
I just never learn, I just never learn, ‘bout ‘em pollack and reign and wooses and species
I never fit in, I just never fit in
And I imagine that you tell me I’m pretty, then I imagine myself replying: “I never fall for anyone with such a bad taste”
And I imagine how you tell me I’m special, Jesus you did really say I was special, but we both know

Ch. Then the anticlimax, the rejection, the lacked shade of that ever eternal deception
Showed me you’re just like all the other people in the world
Mmm, the anticlimax, the rejection, the lacked shade of that ever eternal deception
Showed me you’re just like all the other people in the world
Showed me you’re just like all the other people in the world
Showed me you’re just like all the other people in the world

(And the glass filled up with unknown blood when I was finished)

My Depression

1. The first one he told me exactly what he saw
His truths were cold, his eyes I’m told, had the color of the hell below
I could have loved him, for/since he hated me (and)
My depression

Ch. So I did it, it was a disaster, so what, I’ve been through thousands of disasters before
Someday I’m gonna marry a man who looks just like you

2. The second one he hid and lied and tried to escape my claws
His autism, his fears, his betrayal months after mine made me cheap, cheaper
I could have loved him, for/since he gave me hope (for/and)
My depression

Ch. So I did it, it was a disaster, so what, I’ve been through thousands of disasters before
Someday I’m gonna marry a man who thinks just like you

3. The third one he gave me breath of joy, breath of ecstasy and rapture, bliss and bless
Then he knocked me, he knocked me down
He promised spontaneously then broke without a look back
He gave me belief, then he took all life, he emptied me, and now all hope is lost
I could have loved him for/since he made me feel
My depression

Ch. So I did it, it was a disaster, so what, I’ve been through thousands of disasters before
Someday I’m gonna marry a man who empties me just like you

Keys In Lack Of A Knife

1. Last Friday I did something stupid I’ll pay for the rest of my life
I cut a big wound on my arm, with my keys in lack of a knife

2. I (did it cause I) read somewhere that cutting themselves help some people to ease their pain
So I thought, what the fuck, let’s try it then

3. I cut and cut until the blood came out and I/it began to hurt
So I made a side track right beside but it didn’t get as big a-wound

4. So I went back to track no 1, but it didn’t start bleed again, no matter what I did
I decided to stop playing this silly game I was playing

5. I pulled down my cardigan so no one would see, but it was furry and got stuck in the blood
So I took a couple of handkerchiefs and tied around, but they fell off

6. So the fur from the shirt got deep in my skin and this big infection* I got
My arm swelled up like a balloon and the wound wouldn’t heal by far

7. So the result of my game, is I became, a little uglier than ever before
When the wound I tried to hide from the world is now a dark, big, visible scar

8. Last Friday I did something stupid I’ll pay for the rest of my life
I cut a big wound on my arm, with my keys in lack of a knife

*a bad infection

Didn’t even make things worse

1. The smaller you make me, the bigger I make thee, you’re just a symbol of all of my grief
You’re so afraid of me, I might as well kill you, cause that’s what you think I’ll do
And I’m so dumb when I’m in love, I sit there like “oh he’s smoking, that’s so sexy” What’s so sexy about smoking?
“Oh he’s drinking coffee, that’s so adult”, what’s so adult about drinking coffee?
“Oh he got thrown out again, that’s so cool”, what’s so cool about being thrown out?
“Oh, he’s not saying a word, that’s so exiting”, what’s so exiting about not talking?
And I lied to him, even though I knew he never believed my lies

Ch. And I told him that I loved him
And I showed him that I loved him
But it didn’t even make things worse
I told him that I loved him
And I showed him that I loved him
But it didn’t even make things worse

2. And I dreamed every night about his sisters. I dreamed every day about him
And I fell in love with all his friends, cause I knew that they were chosen by him
I could have done anything for any of them
And I yelled at him and fell even more in love when he looked at me with despise in his eyes and said “what do you want me to do then?”
And he told me he never received my note, right before I threw myself in his arms, kissed him and said “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you”
And he replied “Eh, I gotta go now”

Ch. And I told him that I loved him
And I showed him that I loved him
But it didn’t even make things worse
I told him that I loved him
And I showed him that I loved him
But it didn’t even make things worse
Didn’t even make things worse
Didn’t even make things worse

Dishwasher

1. I love caveman, he loves me so much, all my conversations with her are just a blur
Never got anywhere, never got anywhere, never got anywhere,
I stuck to Patrick under the table cause nobody loved me and nobody liked me
Never move from here, never move from here, never move from here
Bottomline – if everybody loved me, then I’d love myself
Totally depending on you I’m lending
Just like that time I wasn’t caught
Talk, talk, talk, talk
Freeze and hunger, wanna beat me up
And my thoughts are scary, I’m scarier than that
But still I’m just like that word I’ve mentioned

2. Pretend you care, like hell you care
Pretend you care, like hell you care
Pretend you care, like hell you care
Pretend you care, like hell you care
Pretend you care, like hell you care
Pretend you care, like hell you care
Pretend you care, like hell you care
Pretend you care, like hell you care
Pretend you care, like hell you care
Pretend you care, like hell you care
Pretend you care, like hell you care
Pretend you care, like hell you care

My Man Doesn’t Come For Free

Intro. My man doesn’t come for free, his demands are loyalty and total freedom
He says that we don’t have a future, but he’s my future, like it or not

1. He never gave me any false promises
So I shouldn’t be surprised, shouldn’t be in hope
Cause he’s not the type that wants a wreck

Ch. I lie myself to sleep at night, with words he never said
I write myself to sleep at night, with words I never said

2. She asked me if I kissed him on his eyes, of course I kissed him on his eyes
That was the meaning of my whole existence, the mission of my life
But he’s just not the type who’s in need of a wreck

Ch. I lie myself to sleep at night, with words he never said
I write myself to sleep at night, with words he/I never said

Br. I told him that I wasn’t naïve, but I withheld that I ‘m nativity
The rest of you take your drugs/it cause you think you need it*
I take mine cause I think I need him
Laugh cause he gave me nothing but heartache and nightmares
Yet I believe if he was here, he’d make everything okay

Ch. I lie myself to sleep at night, with words he never said
I write myself to sleep at night, with words I never said

Outro. My man doesn’t come for free, his demands are loyalty and total freedom
He says that we don’t have a future, but he’s my future, like it or not

* I told him that I wasn’t naïve, but I unheld that I ‘m nativity personified
The rest of you read your elexir cause you think you need it

If He Had Known

1. He never knew it was a crime
To leave me here deserted 
He didn’t know what actions to take 
When the neutrum turned the inside out
The hard skin, the hard surface 
The pigeons net, the dead girl
If he had known 

2. Inside out in every imaginable way 
Unhealtyness that tears up, tears apart
Ripes and rapes, abandondness that infects 
With double speed and twice the surprise 
Enter, reenters, then enters again, resolves it
If he had known 
If he had known

3. Should have been a bad man, but at least one 
With bad manners, bad inception
Hard head, knuckles, fists 
If he had known
If he had known
If he had known 

4. He was a good man, he told me good stories 
He was a brave man, he dared not only kiss but touch 
But braveness never helped a cursed, deceased
I didn’t know what to say
If he had known
If he had known
If he had known
If he had known 

5. I’m so scared, I lack his courage 
I’m melted, boiled, I’m the boy in the bed 
The man on the floor, the he in the song
If he had known
If he had known
If he had known
If he had known
If he had known 

Fucking Person

1. The same day her mother was hospitalized
I dreamed my dream about heroin
Awoke and stood there listening to about what they talked
And I reflected the words of the superior
Wasn’t supposed to hear, was I supposed to hear
Flower day, flower day, flower day
Said the father of J, the mother of A, the father, the mother of A
The father of J, the mother of A, the father, the mother of A, the mother of A

2. You sit there with all of my ugliness
And I think I’m a sin, yes I’m most definitely a sin
But I don’t deserve to be inferior
Cause it’s your turn now to exculpate
No remorse for all my wounds
And nobody understands cause you’re not here
Never been this piece of filth as I am, as I am
Never done it good when I’m upset
And I really wanted to talk to him
But/and I’m degraded since my first years
I may be wrong but I think that neither he nor you deserve to live

3. And I’m a quitter and I’m a loser and I always give in and I always give up
And this time won’t be the least bit different
The same quietness, then fake pigheadedness
And then because I never cry
Dry tears in the night in the pillow and I
I will be furious and scream inside of me
But I won’t do a fucking thing
And I don’t even remember your face
But your six words they left me broken
You’re a sick kind of person
That can leave me to burst and
I’m a sick kind of person
That can let you make me burst

No One Took Your Locker When You Left

1. I would have scratched your back
I would have given you a lot of foot massage
I would have laughed at all your jokes
I would have complimented your looks
I would have said that your eyes were lovely
I would have said that your lips were lovely
I would have said that your hair were lovely
I would have loved you more than gladly

2. I would have admired your drawings
I would have loved all your favourite films
I would have made you Sunday dinner
I would have been the only one that was thinner
I would have said that your smile was lovely
I would have said that your hands were lovely
I would have said that your arms were lovely
I would have wanted to make you feel you wanted me badly

3. I would have bought you everything you wanted
I would have sold my soul and body
I would have given up my believes and dreams
I would have given up dance and music
I would have said that your clothes were lovely
I would have said that your eyebrows were lovely
I would have said that your cheeks were lovely
I would have loved to meet your mother

4. I would have spoiled you with cookies and cakes
I would have liked to change/changed your destiny like you changed my fate*
I would have let you use me for any purpose
I would have bought you beer and cigarettes
I would have said that your legs were lovely
I would have said that your neck was lovely
I would have said that your chest was lovely

5. I would have wanted to give birth to your son
I would have loved you more than our children
I would have been your greatest lover ever**
I would have been someone you could rely on forever
I would have given my life for you
I would have taken care of you happily
I would have loved you no matter what
I would have let you break my heart
I would have been your perfect girlfriend
I would have been your perfect girlfriend
I would have been your perfect girlfriend
I would have been your perfect girlfriend

* I would have changed your destiny and your faith
** I would have called you my greatest lover ever

Waiting

1. Waiting for her/him
Waiting for dawn
So many hours
She’s/he’s been gone

2. Acidball
Where is she/he now
Shouldn’t have given her/him
More freedom than she/he could handle

3. Don’t cry
Don’t give up
Yet it is time
Dawn's not here yet

Ch. Waiting
Waiting

4. Did it again
Bravos, applauses
Loved someone more than I should have done

5. Birds go
I don’t want you
Let her/him come back
Just let her/him come to me

6. Don’t weep, try to sleep
Maybe she’s/he’s safe and dreaming cosy

Ch. Waiting
Waiting

7. Don’t think I’ve ever had a poem as important
Why do I think of it?

8. Erase it from my mind
Let me sleep a dreamless sleep
And then wake up to find her/him fine

9. Physical, emotional
Don’t let her/him leave me, let her/him come back

Ch. Waiting
Waiting

10. Loosing track
No more thoughts of any intelligence whatsoever
Gotta trust humanity
How can I trust humanity?

11. Love her/him
Love her/him
Gotta trust humanity
But how can I trust humanity
Gotta trust humanity

Ch.Waiting
Waiting

Lollipop

1. I will be one that you will remember
I will be one that you will regret
I’ll be to you, just what the elevator boy, the lollipop boy and the bus boy is to me
You will regret you didn’t do nothing*

Ch. But if you had than we’d change sides
I would be a piece of your frequent nothing, while you’d be the rest of my life**

Br. So tonight, a toast for love
May we all be given the fortune to stay neutral
So tonight, a cheer for love
May we all go without it, may it be mutual
I hope you drink tonight so my appearance won’t stay in your memory for more than an hour

2. I will be one that you will remember
I will be one that you will regret
I’ll be to you, just what the elevator boy, the lollipop boy and the bus boy is to me
You will regret you didn’t do nothing*

Ch. But if you had than we’d change sides
I would be a piece of your frequent nothing, while you’d be the rest of my life

3. You became one that I will remember
You are now one that I won’t forget
You are now someone I’ll think of for hours and hours and hours and hours
You were from the moment the music stopped and we parted, someone I’ll always regret
I did never done nothing

Ch. And because I didn’t we changed we’d change sides
I will now be a piece of your frequent nothing, while you are the rest of my life

*did never done nothing
** I’d be a piece of your frequent nothing, while you’ll be the rest of my life

Jazzy Piece Of Tune

1. I’ve got the blues for you my baby
I never liked Vivaldi anyway
But three bucks ain’t much for a classic
So many questions, 3063
So many questions, 3063

2. I’ll go to Belgium, I’ll/to visit museums
I’ll go swimming, to lose weight
But that won’t help cause the worst part is that
The boy with an A in his name, tried to make me love him but he failed
The boy with an A in his name, tried to make me love him but he failed

Ch. I can write a jazzy piece of tune
I can copy/sing a jazzy piece of tune
I can play a jazzy piece of tune
But that won’t do, cause you don’t love me

3. I’m gonna learn how to play the piano
I’ll sing just like his daughter, I don’t remember their names
And I was so naïve with my intellectual readings
Thought that you would learn to love me that way
Thought that you would learn to love me that way

Ch. I can write a jazzy piece of tune
I can copy/sing a jazzy piece of tune
I can play a jazzy piece of tune
But that won’t do, cause you don’t love me

4. So Chris I apologize/my apologies (that) I don’t listen
I really want to, but it’s too hard
You(’ll) do just fine without my few coins
Your income and your heart
Your income and your heart

Ch. I can write a jazzy piece of tune
I can copy/sing a jazzy piece of tune
I can play a jazzy piece of tune
But that won’t do, cause you don’t love me

Not A Role Model

1. Little and insecure I managed to get rid of all of my demons
I declare myself guilty of first degree, and that’s a first step
I suppose they were all too short and not very specified
When you fall for the damage man, the damage is already done

Ch. No I suppose that I’m not a role model, the way I’ve lived with this enormous hatred
Repulsive emotions, god you’re disgusting, can’t you just go somewhere else?
I don’t want to pass the road, wander over the bridge, step into the train, and go to that white dirty building, that looks like a mental hospital to me, and sit there, afraid to leave the rooms, don’t like the corridors, afraid I might see you, cause if I do, I mean man, don’t you think I know everything about you, all those gross things you’ve done, all those sick things. I’ve heard a lot and made my own conclusions

2. I know I’m not your type, and you sure as hell ain’t mine
Two miles of you, I’m too short, I’m certain it wouldn’t work
Cause I am deep and you are dumb, you’re so sweet and I’m an ugly one
You’re childish and I’m growing up, you do drugs and I drink carrot juice*
Everything that you know now, that’s things I’ve known my whole life
Everything that is on your mind, that’s things I’ve never thought about

Ch. No I suppose I’m not a role model, the way I’ve lived with this enormous hatred
Repulsive emotions, god you’re disgusting, can’t you just go somewhere else
I don’t want to pass the road, wander over the bridge, step into the train, and go to that white dirty building, that looks like a mental hospital to me, and sit there, afraid to leave the rooms, don’t like the corridors, afraid I might see you, cause if I do, I mean man, don’t you think I know everything about you, all those gross things you’ve done, all those sick thing. I heard a lot and made my own conclusions

Outro. You said “shut up bitch, leave me alone, whaddaya stare at, whaddaya want from me?”
I said, “I want you to love me forever, want your eternal love forever, want your infinite love forever, want your eternal love forever”
No I suppose I’m not a role model, but I never said I was
No I suppose I’m not a role model, but I never said I was

* eat carrots

Half Worm

1. I’m a half worm, got all of the looks but none of the talents
I’m a half worm, I’m not even a full grown parasite
Understand why you don’t love me
Thinking of you always, constantly
Sorry, apologies
I’m a half worm
Sorry for being a half worm

2. Got a half brain. Got the half than yet no one yet knows what it’s good for
Got a half mind, I can’t finish a thought, Everything’s confused, am I schizophrenic now?
I do exactly like I wouldn’t want to be expose to
Narcissistic little bitch
Understand why no one loves me
Thinking of you always, constantly
Sorry, apologies
I’m a half worm
Sorry for being a half worm

3. Let you down again, all half worms let down and I’m the halfest
And even if there was one more half than me, I can only judge myself and my wrong doings
I’m a half worm, I’m a half worm,
I deserve to be hated and there’s no such thing as love
I’m a half worm, Got all of the looks but none of the talents, I’m not even a full grown parasite
I’m a half worm

4. Descended, sunk, descended, put it under the microscope, blow it all up into enormous proportions
Mashed, declined, mashed, I do the same, I space the same emotions
Someone’s got a cheerful smile
Yet he suffers more than I
He really snuffed you didn’t he
Also he wanted to be the first

5. We’re both half worms, you got the half I don’t have, and I’ve got the half you think you have
They don’t love you, never have, never will do, I’m the only one who loves you
But they don’t know what I know
There’s no such thing as love
He really snuffed me didn’t he
Also I wanted to be the first

6. You need psychotherapy, electric shocks, I really detest when problemless people complain
Cause you’ve got nothing, he's got nothing, I’ve got something
At least your eyes are brown
And you’re not like Daniel, Daniel’s not like you are
God, there really no such thing as love

7. You really gonna snuff me, won’t you
Also you wanted to be first
We should have shared psychotherapy
So why don’t we play doctor you and me?

No Money

Ch. We ain’t got no money, so we won’t have any food or our table this month either
We ain’t got no money, so they turn the telephone off once more
We ain’t got no money, we’ll freeze pretty much when the electricity’s gone
We ain’t got no money, we freeze even more when we lost the apartment cause we could not afford to pay the rent

1. My mama told me not to take out all the bad stuff in advance, but what shall I do, when music is becoming a matter of class
The children of our fucking leaders goes to private schools
While my parents can’t afford to buy me food
My mother gets treated as a slave for less than minimum pay
Our government says we all have to share the weight
But if the prices of concert go up one penny more, I swear to God I shop your heads off

Ch. We ain’t got no money, the last record I bought was in July
We ain’t got no money, I haven’t bought any candy in two years
We ain’t got no money, have no clothes, can’t afford even second hand once
We ain’t got no money, last time I was at the movies, sorry, I don’t remember when

2. I can only meet my friends a couple of times a year, because it’s too expensive to go by train or bus, and I have/ain’t got no limo
I stopped watching TV a hundred years ago, and it’s been a very long time since I sat in a car or went to bed and wasn’t hungry

Ch. We ain’t got no money, they say they care, well if they did, we wouldn’t starve
We ain’t got no money, cause it’s in the well treated hands of those who got and the force
We ain’t got no money, but the next time I go to a hospital and have to leave cause it costs far too much, I pay a visit to you richie once, watch out for me, I swear to God I shop your heads off
We ain’t got no money
We ain’t got no money

I Am Not The One That He Loves

1. Emotions like a fire
I am not his briar
I couldn’t go no higher
I couldn’t have stayed
I could have smiled like a liar
Roll them over like a tire
I could have stood beside her
But I couldn’t go with him
Far behind and deep within, you should have let me in
I should let you go
But no I don’t think so

Ch. I am not the one that he loves
I am not the one that he loves
I am not the one that he loves

2. Sometimes I wanna kill us
Burn us both, make us dust
If I can’t have you, no one does
Cause I’m the only one who loves him/you
My iron mind it starts to rust
I had to kill him so I went nuts
But when he was dead, I was more of a dead than he (ever) was*
When death comes my only/biggest fear is, I have never really lived
I have lived a real bad life with Daniel
Probably much/lots worse than anyone could imagine

Ch. I am not the one that he loves
I am not the one that he loves
I am not the one that he loves

Br. No Mr Doctor I don’t think I ever had a heart in there
Excuse me, no of course I don’t mind if you pluck out my brain
I’ve never really used it

Ch. I am not the one that he loves
I am not the one that he loves
I am not the one that he loves

** If I don’t kill him, I’ll go nuts / but when I had killed him and he was dead, I was more of a dead than he was

Cowboy

1. I’ve, I’ve done some talking lately, I’ve been talking to him, but he never listens to me
He laughed and turned away, I never bothered him anyway
Then he smiled and he did resign

Ch. And he said “I’m a cowboy, you’re just my play toy, I laugh at you when I ride away
I’m a cowboy, I’ll be gone, before the dawn breaks, And you’ll never ever see me again”

2. I’ll go get myself an indian, I wasn’t really into cowboys
I’ll go get myself an indian, yeah that’s what I’ll do
Cause when I watched oh those westerns, it was always the cowboys I could identify my self to
But somehow I got mixed up in my brain. Fell for a cowboy*, fell in love with him, but he never wanted to stay, he was wanted by the world, and he never will love me

Ch. He’s a cowboy, I’m just his play toy, he’ll laugh at me when he ride away
Cause he’s a cowboy, he’ll be gone, before the dawn breaks, And I’ll never ever see him again

3. I don’t need you, no I don’t need you,. I can be alone with my harmonica, my guitars and I can pretend that I’m Margo Timmins
I can pretend, I go far
I can pretend that I don’t need you, I don’t want you, and I never did,
It’s just one thing I don’t understand, my cowboy’s gone away**, without letting me explain that

Ch. I’m a cowboy, he’s just my play toy, I laugh at him when I ride away
I’m the cowboy, I’ll be gone, before the dawn breaks, And he‘ll never ever see me again

*fell in love with a cowboy
**No of course he’ll always stay

Illusions

1. I turned my overlip, made it look like something that can be misinterpreted to a smile
I talked in beautiful phrases, used a strange language
No one objected, you need a child to tell the emperor he’s naked
I made you think you like me, made you think I was the only one to help you out
Then step by step. I stole more of your money
Cause I’m greedy, and I’m a thief, and I love it when you suffer
And I really hate you
Cause you are starving, God, that’s a sign of failure
And I laugh when I see you cry
But I laugh only on the inside

Ch. Cause I’m an illusion, I give you illusions, Step on your sand castle, pick holes on your balloons
I make you hope, and then sweep the dust you are from the carpet, I’ll vacuum clean it, wash you in my dish washer
Cause you’re not illusions, I’m an illusion, I give you illusions

2. I bought the TV, and the radio and the union and the market too
And every newspaper lied happily with me
Cause they too are illusions, they too are untrue
You think I care what happens, no, why should I, You got no food, no work, just drugs and I stole your right to talk
You’re damn quiet, I’ll make you even more quiet
I lay the guilt on you, I blame only you

Ch. You’re deep shit now, swallow dirt, ha*
I’m a nymphomaniac, yeah. That’s your biggest problem, I’ll rape your children, parents, dogs and beds and minds

*The only worth for women is prostitutes, cause that’s the only way for an illusion for me to get layed. I’m a nymp…

Nine

Intro. Dolls and dollhouses, doll stories and papers
And all the beautiful drawings and tales
We made envelopes

1. Quite quiet shy cause Karen spoke, then she took off all of her clothes
And then her ex boyfriend Danny got hit by a car
Blood all over the streets and broken light bulbs
And then Ben and Chris went to a cemetery in forth grade and (there they) opened up a grave

Ch. And then Richie beat me up
Then Richie beat me up

2. Funny party, cheese doodles, bad music and no one danced
And Ann slept with him/the old man when she was eleven years old
While Jessie and Mary, still put toilet paper up their bras
Q smacks her head in the element/floor, ha ha ha, how funny it looks
Almost as fun as the time she told me she had tried to kill herself
And that was almost as entertaining as the time she forced Carolyn’s little sister to take poison
And she smoked a lot (of grass) on the balcony with Jessie who she said she hated
But you were drunk, you were way too drunk, you were far too drunk

Ch. And then Richie tried to rape some girl
Then Richie tried to rape some girl

3. And Q’s newest boyfriend belongs to anyone as edgy as she
Like Ann who took a lot of LSD and ecstasy*
And Robbie, Mitchell and their three friends smoked marijuana (in the ladies room) every break
And Chris killed his teacher and was sent away to something, somewhere
And at that special party**, when they were all over town, naked, had pissed on your clothes and with that dog*** you had sexual intercourse
But you were drunk, you were way too drunk, you were far too drunk

Ch. And then Richie tried to rape some girl
Then Richie tried to rape some girl

4 And that time Marty was so drunk, he couldn’t/could no longer breath
Carried to the nurse, he drank poisoned juice, 11.30
They had been home, lit fire on each others clothes
And there were a lot of strange pills, pills so strange that no one wanted them
So they gave them to John, cause he/John took anything he found/could find
And they tried to throw this guy of a balcony, and spit in Lucas’ face and threw him down the marble stairs
And they robbed a bank, and Julie had anorexia
And there was a lot of weapons circling
And then Paul tried to shoot me

Ch. While Richie tried to rape my friend
While Richie tried to rape my friend

5. And Richie and Henry threw tear gas in a train and beat up everyone inside
They were thrown out of the school, feet first, head held high, junkie heart in they sky
But Richie regretted all the bad things he had done
He begged for forgiveness, I suppose he got some
He swore to change, of course he’d change
But he was drunk, he was way too drunk, he was far too drunk
And then Richie tried to rape another girl

*a little to much of that LSD or was it ecstasy
** Special well known, famous party when they were all over town naked, nude, a real show for the world, but you were drunk.
/ their parties, when they were all over town, naked had pissed in your clothes and with a dog the boys had sexual intercourse
*** poor little dog

Untitled

1. Someone told me I’m beautiful, I don’t know, but I heard someone say so
Someone said you’re not around anymore, I don’t know, I believe you are
The last forty hours I’ve felt totally empty inside, I’m not sure but I think I’m an airless balloon
I think my emptiness is a sin and I’m sure I’ll pay the dept for the rest of my life
I had to fill the whole inside of me, and I filled it with sadness and agony
And anyone who’s just a little bit smarter than me
Knows that’s not what inside a teenage (girl) heart shall be

Ch. But don’t expect me to lie, don’t expect me to cry, don’t expect me to die for you

2. Five months ago I heard a scream but then I awoke, and I never heard it again
I had my fingernails in my mouth for 36 hours. They almost melted
I grind my teeth and they shake so they’re almost dropped
Thrown away in the same garbage can as I put my laughter
What’s it to laugh at, you’re not here?

Ch. But don’t expect me to lie, don’t expect me to cry, don’t expect me to die for you

3. I got this dog I’ve swallowed in my stomach, he tries to dig himself out, soon he sees the light
It’s not a very amusing coincidence I ate him two weeks after you know what
I will never be able to have a normal second ever again. You ruined my life, Hope you’re happy, cry my eyes out, I hope you’re happy

Ch. But don’t expect me to lie, don’t expect me to cry, don’t expect me to die for you

Float

1. I can fly, I can float dear
I don’t die, I’m immortal
I can live, live forever
I don’t die, I’m not mortal
Baby love save my life dear, I didn’t really want to die
Just because I did some suicidal things, I did it try to fly

Ch. I wanna float away on my plane
I wanna live, I don’t want to die
Though I deserve to, cause I’m so ungrateful
All I wanna do is float and fly
All I wanna do is float and fly

Br. Float boat, away forever, horizon’s my favourite friend
Float boat in my sailors world
All the islands I will visit, all the sounds of my brand new boat whistle
Sail the sun and I sail the sky,
Row the ocean, I can fly, I can fly, I can fly

2. I can fly, I can float dear
I don’t die, I’m immortal
I can live, live forever
I don’t die, I’m not mortal
Baby love save my life dear, I didn’t really want to die
Just because I did some suicidal things, I did it try to fly

Ch. I wanna float away on my plane
I wanna live, I don’t want to die
Though I deserve to, cause I’m so ungrateful
All I wanna do is float and fly
All I wanna do is float and fly

Yes I Do

1. Watch those words you speak, watch your thoughts, what’s that you’ve got in your head?
Watch that tongue in your mouth, hope I never hear again, a word I don’t want to hear from you

Ch. Brain dead little me, still love you, though I promised us both that I wouldn’t
But I do, yes I do, yes I do
Traditional memorized, go went dead, no longer love him
Yes I do, yes I do, yes I do

2. Cynical sweetheart spoke: “he belongs to the living, buried corpses are not within”
She had a point though*

Ch. I tied this handkerchief round my eyes so I wouldn’t see.
Around my mouth so I wouldn’t scream. But I do, yes I do, yes I do
I tore out my own heart, squeezed out all the blood to stop love you
But I can’t cause I do, yes I do, yes I do, yes I do

Ch. I made you so sorry when you knew I loved you
I made me even more sorry when I understood that I still do
I don’t want to love you, but I do
Yes I do, yes I do, yes I do

*has got

After You Today

1. Mr Sickness came and took my soul
Mr Weakness said: “girl I’m gonna break you”, and so he did
Mr Sadness said: “the place your heart used to be is now just a hole”
Mr Irony said: “don’t make me awake you”. But so he did

Ch. Greetings to the girl that failed
If you think you’ll succeed there’s something wrong in your head
Greetings to the girl that couldn’t stay
If you fight maybe your attempts to die succeed one day

2. Mr Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
He smiled at me, I’ve seen him smile before
Then he told me something I’ve always known
He said “there’s only one man, in the whole entire world, who makes you wanna cut your wrist up with one huge, sharp electric saw

Ch. Greetings to the girl that failed
If you think you’ll succeed there’s something wrong in your head
Greetings to the girl that couldn’t stay
If you fight maybe your attempts to die succeed one day

3. I smiled happily back and I said: “man
You bet I wanna die, you bet I can
You bet it happens only every time
When I cook in my kitchen, I put my palm to/against the stove when it’s hot and I burn my hand/try to burn away my hand
I guess it happens rather often when I touch a knife
I grab it, cut (in) my flesh, do my best to take my life
Mr Sickness you can only break me one more time
Mr Sickness you can only break me one more time
Cause the next time you break me is gonna be the last
The next time you break me is about to come fast
The next time you break me, I won’t/will not wait till someone asks
The next time you break me, I will not laugh”
 
Ch. Greetings to the girl who failed
You’re attempts succeeded yesterday
Greetings to the girl who failed
I’ll come after you today
(I’ll come after you today)

Girl In Class

1. You still run my whole life, every step (that) I take
You’re my doctor feeling bad sir, yes indeed, may he never wake
Cause you did me so bad / wrong

2. I sort of dislike you, I feel some kind of hate
Please I promise to love you, if you step out of my life
You’ve done me wrong

3. Cause I wasn’t the prettiest girl in class, I wasn’t the smartest girl in class, I wasn’t the funniest girl in class
I was the nicest girl in class, I was the weakest girl in class

4. You run me over with your boots, slimy, greasy under your shoe sole
So now afterwards my inside’s a mess, it shakes and shivers for every breath
You’ve done me wrong
Cause I was the only girl in class with any feelings whatsoever
You were really smart and I wasn’t very/all that clever
You can’t fool me, yet you gool me, still you rule me
Get out
I’ll get/I’m gonna get an exorcist, I’ll remove you Satan’s from hell, you evil, devils from hell, scum of earth, evil of humanity
You’ll die

5. I’m going to be rich, or perhaps rather a scientist
Cause I’ll have me a time machine, buy it or make one myself you see
Then I’ll turn back time and treat you like the speak of occasion, I should have done with some exaggeration

6. So when you take my things and spit at me, pick your noses and put it on my clothes, I do the same thing to you
When you throw things at me, disgusting or heavy, I’ll throw a sticky elephant at you
When you tell me, I’m ugly and useless, I’ll tell you about your failures
When you threaten me, you push me, you insult me, put guns against my back
Then I’ll be bringing nuclear weapons the day after, put firecrackers in your mailboxes so the bills and commercial messages, postcards start to burn and suddenly your whole apartment’s on fire and hopefully you’ll be inside, you’ll burn too

7. In my next life, I won’t be the nicest girl in class
In my next life, I won’t be the nicest girl in class

Prettier Yesterday

Intro. Scarcely, yeah, yeah scarcely, yeah, scarcely, yeah, yeah scarcely, yeah

1. So much do they scare me, I can’t tell
“No good reasons to make her what she was”
“What she was, what she was”, what I still am. Scarcely
Wrote me, note me, never soothe me, background, back to ground, back to my roots and scarcely
Ultimate love song for my baby, scarcely
Coffee things merge the stole to flowery vases of play, play, play, play, play, plywood
Can, cup, fork, spoon, in sugar, like the fly I don’t want to be here, scarcely
Cause I want back the times I had when I could rest and didn’t hate the mirror and if he thinks I love him, he’s wrong
My heart has the color of coffee, My heart, it starts, get hard to live here, it starts, scarcely

Ch. No way, I was prettier yesterday
It’s Tuesday, I was prettier yesterday. I was prettier last Thursday

2. Washed face, face mask, peeling, scrub, lotion, workout, barely
Eat correct, try lose weight, buy the rarest clothes I see, barely
I long for the day to end so I can sit down in my room with my body shop catalogue, my guitars, harmonica, pen and paper and write masterpiece songs
I just wanna be alone with myself and you should be damn glad you haven’t broken me
totally
Cause then who would you laugh at, and then who would you despise, and then who would you judge and carve up slowly?

Ch. No way, I was prettier yesterday
It’s Tuesday, I was prettier yesterday. I was prettier last Thursday

3. Cause when it comes down to the bottomline, I’m still here, that gives me one point
You get a minus in your protocol, cause you don’t know what its’ like to be kind and sober and still live through this
And you don’t know what it’s like to be in this tremendous pain as I am in
Do you know, do you enjoy murdering people, have them destroyed, ruining me?
It’s too late for me to not see, to ignore, to not listen to, I try to adjust but it’s just not me, I’m just not you, I’m just me, and none of us likes that

Ch. No way, I was prettier yesterday
It’s Tuesday, I was prettier yesterday. I was prettier last Thursday

Hung

1. Purple tight shirt, short black leather skirt
Big round ear drops, eighties haircut
Got you from a video with ZZ Top
You had what you deserve, you haven’t anything got
Pink lipstick on your thin mouth
Tiny girl from suburb belongs in the big city lights
Supermodel, super actress, that’s your dream
They raise you to the sky but they take you down again
Swinging Susan, Susan’s swinging, she’s singing on stage
She swings a bit to fast so she falls and breaks

Ch. Oh, ain’t it fun, they hung you shaved
Oh, ain’t it fun, they hung you shaved
Oh, ain’t it fun, they hung you shaved

2. So you snort a little cocaine up your tiny nose
Thinking all famous people does of course
You’re right but you’re not rich
So just lay down your body in an already dug ditch
Sell your ordinary body or your not so well grown soul
Or go home say to your mama, you didn’t like Hollywood
Will you say to your granny, LA wasn’t your style?
Or shall you just phone home, lie
And stay, give umbrage
She’s also suffering from kleptomania

Ch. Oh, ain’t it fun, they hung you shaved
Oh, ain’t it fun, they hung you shaved
Oh, ain’t it fun, they hung you shaved

3. Will you go bedway, get a job in a hamburger bar
Where customers never show up, no alimony, sneak french fries out the car
And then eat them cold and dripping then put your fingers in your mouth
Do it cause you don’t know when the right person, the right chance shows up
Everybody knows that’s the way to spend the days till you’re old
And they want someone younger, throw you out in the cold
Then you freeze to death, on some dark street, and lie there
Till someone tries to move you, ZZ Top girl who is old and in the way, but you lay

Ch. Oh, ain’t it fun, they hung you shaved
Oh, ain’t it fun, they hung you shaved
Oh, ain’t it fun, they hung you shaved

I Suppose She Likes It

1. Girl, girl, I see her mistakes, she gets dumber and number for every day
She follows his orders, like she was a soldier, he’s not a major, don’t let him decide
Man, man, remove your hand, he’s not the one to be in charge
He wants cookies every morning, he gives roses with thorns in
He fools and cheats, and I suppose she likes it, perhaps she don’t want to show it, but it shows

2. And she’s evil to me, no I don’t know, but sometimes I’m not sure it’s not on purpose
She hurts my feelings, sometime’s it’s like, it’s not an accident
Wants to be in the centre, just like the winter, snow, oh, how she’s cold
Disappoints me, that’s to nice be, when she turns me down
I suppose she likes it, perhaps she don’t want to know
Maybe she don’t want to show it, but it shows

3. Reveal secrets I tell her, if she remembers what they were
Cause she never listens, then she always disturbs
And interrupts, spoil my last chances to get the man I love
Cause she don’t know what love is, she thinks no one else knows, but I know

Outro. I suppose not even an alien could be this dumb
Scratching his obnoxious nose made of a thumb
Silly, silly girl, I’m so silly, silly boy, I’m so willing to be your legless doll
Common babe, lets play in the sand
Play some games, till I start to burn, get cold, I’m dead in flames

I’m So Worried

1. It’s a Monday evening, recently passed afternoon and I’m sitting on my bed, reading my old diaries, “look at all the pages of pain this girl’s been through”. Well I’m still in it
Well I can’t rest my mind so I just want some time and some friends that I can laugh with and a boyfriend naturally, but of course I need no more time for worries

Ch. I’m so worried, I’m so worried, I’m so worried, I’m so worried

2. My world hated me so I went and hid in a shell, can’t get out, yes I can, but I don’t because it is kind of comfortable, just to be in pain

Ch. I’m so worried, I’m so worried, I’m so worried, I’m so worried

3. So finally I left my old world, but I had to vomit to be able to go into another
Then for a while, things were pretty okay, but then I decided to start my old worries

Ch. I’m so worried, I’m so worried, I’m so worried, I’m so worried

4. Well I just can’t bring myself to do something I really enjoy, cause I’m bored yeah and I’m in pain and every time I do something fun, I screw it up and I am

Ch. I’m so worried, I’m so worried, I’m so worried, I’m so worried

5. Sometimes I think these crazy thoughts like, how about some whisky before getting out of bed, and like, I should call him, never will, I’m a chicken a hen, a rooster and I am, I’m so

Ch. I’m so worried, I’m so worried, I’m so worried, I’m so worried

6. Sometimes I say to myself it’s the pain of what happened to my mother and Kurt, and my wantings to always be the best, or my old world, or a decease, or these lonely, lonely thoughts, or mental sickness
So I say to myself, it just ain’t him anymore, it’s something different, I’ve been in love thousands of times before*
But then I see him and my face goes red, and my face goes white and my heart beat so hard and fast, my hands starts to tremble, I feel so sick and my eyes goes watery and my mind goes blank and I

Ch. I’m so worried, I’m so worried, I’m so worried, I’m so worried

* just as in love before

Death Wishes

1. Deadly death not a problem for my wishes, for my treasures, for my song
Not offence, abuse, not empty death wishes, nail me through, smack me through
Kill me, the whole me, not part of me, not past of me
Death’s so subtle

2. Dying heart, frying beneath my true death wishes, took a nap, awoke, life was gone
Want the weakness, call you my death wishes, suspect nothing, blame your hands
Try to calm myself, love my death wishes
Blood suck - sleep well, clock struck - sweep tell

Ch. I don’t want to die baby, I don’t want to die
I don’t want to die baby, I don’t want to die
I want to die

Br. What is my brother doing to me and why, can’t figure it out, just ain’t smart enough
Can sufferings end in other ways than death? Ha. Never said I’m tough

3. Enter sister, even bigger death wishes, I may die when I feel this bad
He was my whole world, gave me only death wishes, aching body made of punished heart
Love him more, love him still, love him better, love him worse/bigger
Sister I beg you die

4. Regret everything when I got my death wishes, regret letting my sister in
She’s more of monster than me and my death wishes
More a maniac/of a monster than my wishes to die
Wishes so bad, it was the only feeling/thing I (ever) had, today I die

Ch. I don’t want to die baby, I don’t want to die
I don’t want to die baby, I don’t want to die
I want to die baby, I want to die
I want to die baby, I want to die

Br. My mind’s got color of coffee, as my stereo, as the night
It’s as broken as a mirror on rocks, as a glass in blender that’s right
Life’s too strong, I’m too weak, we don’t match together
Don’t it, don’t I, don’t we, don’t he

Ch. I don’t want to die baby, I don’t want to die
I don’t want to die baby, I don’t want to die

It’s About Me

1. I would like to tell you a story ‘bout a man and a girl, it’s about him, it’s about me
The girl cut up her wrist at least a zillion times, but though people drowned in her blood he still wouldn’t see 
Though she hanged herself in his scarf. Though she drowned herself in his tub
Though she shot herself with his gun using his button as a bullet, he still wouldn’t listen and he still wouldn’t see. It’s about me 

2. But when she was saying ridiculous things, he listened and laughed
And when she was sicker and uglier, he watched and laughed
When she was lonesome, weeping all by herself, when she hoped she’d die cause she embarrassed herself, when she made fatal mistakes, he was abound and he laughed and he did see. It’s about me 

3. Every damn time she tried to make contact, a person, a thing or her own fears came up, screwed it all up 

4. Damn it babe, give her a record, a flower, mango body butter and a kiss
Give her love, comfort, safety, tenderness and a kiss
Give her fate or give her fate, damn it babe, give her something, a smile, then she’d know you don’t mind what you see. It’s about me 

5. Beat me, hit me, hurt me, injure me. I love it. Please go ahead, that’s why you don’t, cause you know I’d like it no matter what you did. You know I’d never care if anyone forbid
Broken, broken, I’m so broken, Pieces of me comes up in the morning, soon the whole puzzle of me is in the washbasin, the sewage pipe, in the yeah, that’s where I belong
I burn because I’m so wrong.
I burn in the purgatory for my sins of you, you’re my purgatory, I burn for you
I want you to see, this is about you and me
Damn it I want you to see, it’s about me 

Dorothy

1. Lots of apples since my birth. Thanks oh mama for my wedding 
Eat a breeze to hurry tide. Thanks oh Dorothy for your whispering
Child doesn’t break her wandering stick. Cards of paper, I became two 
Dear me dear I jump the balcony. I did never once get blue 

Ch. Succeeding to tear my life apart
May I feel just as good as I did from the start?
May I feel just a little bit better than this?
May my pains end, may I get thrills?
And may my new boyfriend stay? 
And Dorothy with her clever mind, may I go to Kansas tonight?
And Dorothy with her wicked mind, may I go to Kansas tonight? 

2. Daniel made my heart all swell, explode so soft in my gray chest
Daniel hurt my killed bitter life. Made my stomach ache so seriously
His least perfect thing, as a perfectionist I saw, made everything else look so ugly 

Ch. Succeeding to tear my life apart
May I feel just as good as I did from the start
May I feel just a little bit better than this
May my pains end, may I get thrills
And may my new boyfriend stay
And Dorothy with her only mind, may I go to Kansas tonight?
And Dorothy with her lonely mind, may I go to Kansas tonight?

3. Dorothy can’t stand herself, is too awful for the knowledge
Daniel can just love himself, is too wonderful for the knowledge
Took my heart threw it in the oven, made it burn so warm and black*
Hate myself less than I love you
That says a lot 

Ch. Succeeding to tear my life apart
May I feel just as good as I did from the start
May I feel just a little bit better than this
May my pains end, may I get thrills
And may my new boyfriend stay
And Dorothy with her lonely heart, may I go to Kansas tonight?
And Dorothy with her loving heart, may I go to Kansas tonight?
And Dorothy with her crying heart, may I go to Kansas tonight?
And Dorothy with her dying heart, may I go to Kansas tonight?
And Dorothy with all her love, may she go to Kansas and die? 
Die
May Dorothy die?
(fade out)

*Love you Daniel, sweetie my sweet sugar, c’mon baby I will love you, Clap your hand so I may take you

Glove Fits The Darkened Hand

1. In a room, no window no door. Just walls, ceiling, roof and floor. A stiff chair, no light, no lamp. The oxygen’s gone, the air used to be damp. The wind I long for, the wind I miss. Would do anything if the wind me did kiss. 
Rocking chair, mama bear is watching you tonight. Daddy bear is dead, he’s gone out of sight. Gone he up, gone he down, perhaps he is still around. Glove fits the darkened hand, wish I was in mapless land, glove fits the darkened hand 

2. Create agony in a box with lid, substitute. My pillow’s dry. Your hearts are wet. Swordless knight on a gigantic horse, without saddle you can’t sit 
Do I lack emotions? I’m not crying though I’m in need. Table of mahogany, chairs are red like wine. Serve you a plate of star dust to a stargazer, to a starling darling, to a star
I haven’t been this scared since my latest nightmare:
My boy is in the countryside; my love has done some wrong. My love and eight to twelve others, in water’s exploding lungs.
Is my love’s life and seven to eleven others, worth as much as yours?
Are you better, are you worse, are you just as good? Silly boy, silly you. Sweet and sour. Cream and milk. Take a bath in salt and water 
Time passes slowly when time doesn’t pass. Crunchy thanks for your song, such as I, such as glass
I’m mad at you, I’m so mad at you. Daughter baby, wifie baby. Everybody, you made us follow, then you disappeared and I’m mad. Maybe it’s just as bad.
You came, you gave us what you thought was the only thing we didn’t have. When we lost you I found we didn’t even have ourselves. Cause I’m angry now, I found you first. We found each other. The you left me for thee other. And I’m mad, that’s definitely just as bad. That’s definitely just as bad 

3. In a room, no window no door. Just walls, ceiling, roof and floor. A stiff chair, no light, no lamp. The oxygen’s gone, the air used to be damp. The wind I long for, the wind I miss. Would do anything if the wind me did kiss.
Rocking chair, mama bear is watching you tonight. Daddy bear is dead, he’s gone out of sight. Gone he up, gone he down, perhaps he is still around. Glove fits the darkened hand, wish I was in mapless land, glove fits the darkened hand

Don’t You Think I Wished I Still Loved Him Instead Of You ‘Cause You’re Not Good Enough For My Loving, Nor Was He But I Have This Feeling Anyway / or Soul

1. Heaven bound he ran the sky – so did I
Kept his cold one heart locked, wept your all-star in the pocket of my jeans
In my dream
Worship your cloudy* name, love you just the same as it – Sara, get a grip

Ch. Around your soul
Love me please, windy breeze, inhale your smell, love’s a breathless hell
Around your soul

2. Can not eat, sleep, no rest, hold my tightness left of the head and the dead – better off than deaf
Forward fifth comes the thief, had it, had it, had it, what do I know

Ch. About your soul
Love me please, windy breeze, inhale your smell, love’s a breathless hell
Around your soul
Hair of gold, eyes of mould, body branches, don’t say I’ve had my chances
To get your soul

3. Childish old, brain to cold to think, kept in a bucket of ice
I shave my head, I’ll make your bed, I humiliate myself to the most embarrassing level
Anything at all, rainy day, sunny weather
You’re nothing to love, you’re the only one, only thing, only dream
Don’t let it be just a dream

4. Crack egg in your face to not know, to not see, to not know
I just want to be close near, there, where, close near, there, around your soul
Around your soul

Br. Don’t you think I wished I still loved him instead of you ‘cause you’re not good enough for my loving, nor was he but I have this feeling anyway. Soul
Don’t you think I wished I still loved him instead of you ‘cause you’re not good enough for my loving, nor was he but I have this feeling anyway. Soul
Don’t you think I wished I still loved him instead of you ‘cause you’re not good enough for my loving, nor was he but I have this feeling anyway. Soul
Don’t you think I wished I still loved him instead of you ‘cause you’re not good enough for my loving, nor was he but I have this feeling anyway. Soul

*bloody

Heady Hitting Haddy

1. Heady Hitting Haddy takes off her shoes. Put’s on her biggest trousers and let her self lose
Hiding the key under the carpet pink. Goes out to the kitchen. Got orange juice to drink
Sits down in the brown chair. Her feet in slippers.
Picks up the receiver. Her mind’s heavy enough to tip her
Dials the number she knew from before. She held her eyes closed. He was home, she felt sure
“You’re not heady” she said, you’re not heady

Ch. The very instant moment that we met. Made me knew I just couldn’t forget you
I’m Heady Hitting Haddy, that is my name
And I’m ready, I am ready

2. Can you recall what happened three years ago? You and I suddenly were two
I’m Heady Hitting Haddy, call me happy if you please
Nothing can make me more cheerful than talking to you like this*
He says “now I recall”, Yeah now he recalls

Ch. The very instant moment that we met. Made me knew I just couldn’t forget you
I’m Heady Hitting Haddy, that is my name
And I’m ready, I am ready

3. He says
“I guess you wouldn’t recognize me if we met today. My hair’s so much greyer, it didn’t delay
Cause when I took your life I stole part of your soul.** It was crushed against a wall, withered down to mould”
“I’m so sorry” he says
Yeah NOW he’s sorry

Ch. The very instant moment that we met. Made me knew I just couldn’t forget you
I’m Heady Hitting Haddy, that is my name
And I’m ready, I am ready

4. She said
“I don’t want revenge though it may seem so, I just want back what you stole
You found your world empty but I am there and I’m heady, I am heady”

Ch.The very instant moment that we met. Made me knew I just couldn’t forget you
I’m Heady Hitting Haddy that is my name
And I’m ready, I am ready

Outro. I’m Heady Hitting Haddy
I’m Heady Hitting Haddy
I’m Heady Hitting Haddy
She is ready, she is ready

*have you been visited yet by the police
** I guess you wouldn’t recognize me if we met today. My hair’s so much greyer, it didn’t delay
Cause when you took my life you stole part of my soul

Nothing

1. I’m just stuck in this mud, ugly it’s called love
It drags me to the bottom, you look down from above 
I know it’s painful, I know it’s hard 
You don’t see my longing heart 
Grinding the wheel called full moon  
Throwing the feeling, called to be soon 
Holding the things that are swept aside 
Moaning the sounds of an owl’s sigh 
I come to you in the gutter 
I shall be your lamenting mother 

Ch. You mean not a thing, nothing, not a thing, nothing to me 
You mean not a thing, nothing, not a thing, nothing to me
Nothing to me 
If you fall I let you go all the way down 

2. Don’t you understand that I’m tired, necessary to me, don’t prove visible to the eye
Caught your bad dreams in the afternoon, fighting uncanny wolves in the mine 
Oats and rye and grain and wheat 
Slash my kidney, murder the beast
Inside of you, anything comes true 
Hold my head above the water
Keep my body in the slaughter

Ch. You mean not a thing, nothing, not a thing, nothing to me
You mean not a thing, nothing, not a thing, nothing to me
Nothing to me
If you fall I let you go all the way down

Br. Always never find a seat, on the airplane to the sky, your heartbeat 
Tells me, overwhelms me, I’m rejected and confused  
You can go to heaven, you can go to hell 
Go anywhere you like, I don’t care as well 
as you never bothered thinking of me 
Was fooled by you but now I’m free
I held on to something untrue unsaid
Now I wish that you were dead

Ch. You mean not a thing, nothing, not a thing, nothing to me
You mean not a thing, nothing, not a thing, nothing to me
Nothing to me
If you fall I let you go all the way down

It’s Over

1. Babies come out to play
With dolls and cars and other toys
Perfectly surrounded with flowers and guns
Babies come out to play
Yet you don’t know why your mother died
Though she tried to escape, though she tried to run
Don’t believe it behind, though it’s over

2. Children come out to play
Don’t wash the clothes with blood on your fingers, they got red
Children come out to play
Don’t wash the clothes with bloodstains on your jeans and your t-shirt and Reeboks
Always let it remain
Don’t believe it behind, though it’s over

3. Youth comes out to play
Already spoiled, everything’s spoiled
Heard too much, need power that you don’t need
Youth comes out to play
Heard it for so long, it’s gotta go on, we young, you’ve gotta lose, we gotta take it all
Don’t believe it behind, though it’s over

4. Adults come out to play
Make your weapons so we can kill them all, they’re destroying our lives
Adults come out to play
You’ve heard the shots since you were born, you have to fight but deep inside you don’t remember what for
Don’t believe it behind, though it’s over

5. Old people come out to play
You got what you deserved; your children are dead because you kept fighting about something that isn’t
Old people come out to play, you can’t think of anything that you don’t regret at your children’s grave
Don’t believe it behind, though it’s over

What I Was

1. I’m slipping out so often, I’m afraid of your eyes
I’m not used to this treatment, ripping off my disguise

Ch. What I was and what I wasn’t, what I shouldn’t, what I should have had
Every second that I think of you reminds me of that
What I did and what I didn’t what I should have said and done
Nowadays your memory’s fading
Soon it won’t be around

2. Hold my hands against my ears, don’t want to hear your speech
I try to get through, but I just can’t reach

Ch. What I was and what I wasn’t, what I shouldn’t, what I should have had
Every second that I think of you reminds me of that
What I did and what I didn’t what I should have said and done
Nowadays your memory’s fading
Soon it won’t be around

3. Hold my hands against my eyes, don’t want to see my pain
Don’t want to go through another nightmare, nightmares’ your game

Ch. What I was and what I wasn’t, what I shouldn’t, what I should have had
Every second that I think of you reminds me of that
What I did and what I didn’t what I should have said and done
Nowadays your memory’s fading
Soon it won’t be around
 
4. Hold my hands against my nose, don’t want to smell your smile
We’re not a part of this communication, let’s talk for a while

Ch. What I was and what I wasn’t, what I shouldn’t, what I should have had
Every second that I think of you reminds me of that
What I did and what I didn’t what I should have said and done
Nowadays your memory’s fading
Soon it won’t be around

5. Hold my hands against my mouth, let’s not say a word
What I was and what I wasn’t will always remain unheard*

Ch. What I was and what I wasn’t, what I shouldn’t, what I should have had
Every second that I think of you reminds me of that
What I did and what I didn’t what I should have said and done
Nowadays your memory’s fading
Soon it won’t be around

6. Hold your hands in mine, we’ll clone in reality
Together we’re not far from eternity

Snuff Movie

1. I am dead and gone to heaven
My body’s lying in a grave
I wrote no last will
My family doesn’t know about this
I’m made in Thailand
Was sold to a brothel at twelve
But I got out of there a couple of years later
With a man from a foreign country
I was very happy you see
I didn’t suspect a thing
I really liked him and he said that he loved me back
He gave me food, clothes and a room to stay in
But he needed money, who don’t
And after all the beautiful things he had done
I sold myself once more
(It happened several of times)
Then one dark night we went out to his car
He drove me to a house in the rain
Then he left me in the bedroom with three men – déjà vu
Then they all did it to me
I’ve gone through this before
Trying to look sexy when the camera rolls
And when they were through they laughed so strangely
One of them picked up a knife
He cut and cut, I screamed, tried to get out
But much blood later I was dead
But I live on in the movies world
I’m a real star in a snuff movie
You should see my lovely smile right in the camera

Ch. I get even, I get even
I find a way
To get all my lady sisters to smack sexists in my name
They’ll beg for mercy but they’ll get none
I smack you all, I smack you all
You’re gonna get smacked for me

2. Can somebody answer this simple question?
Why do women get treated like shit?
We do the cleaning, dishes, washes, babysitting, why? Answer me
How come we’re the ones who are low paid, if we’re allowed to work at all
If we don’t get oppressed by our husbands, boyfriends or have to sleep with the boss
In commercials we are almost naked, why don’t men lie like that?
And how many men have become prostitutes to get some food?
It’s a lot of women’s reality
If a girl has more than one man, she’s a whore
If a man has thousands of girls he is cool
Doesn’t matter if he’s married, as long as he’s happy
So answer me, why do we bother them?
Why don’t we just do as we please?
Wear the things we like, do the things we love
Care of what’s important to us, ignore them fools

Ch. I get even, I get even
I find a way
To get all my lady sisters to smack sexists in my name
They’ll beg for mercy but they’ll get none
I smack you all, I smack you all
You’re gonna get smacked for me

Anorexi Whore

1. Do you wanna hear something new? I doubt you’ve ever heard it before
This my darling, is called food, I doubt you’ve ever seen it before
Well you put it in your mouth, you chew and swallow, then you are satisfied
If you don’t, there’s something wrong with you
Chew, swallow, eat

2. Well Mr. Sir, I’m sick and tired of your moaning about me
If I could I surely would, but I can’t, it doesn’t get down
So just let me be, let me starve myself to death
You’re killing me with your understandings
I don’t need help or food
I need music

3. If you don’t eat you lose weight, and energy
Become to tired to do your work, you easily get sick
Everybody worries, driving everyone nuts

4. So you think that I should eat, well it’s not your problem
I don’t starve to get attention, get thin or so
I do it because food is makin’ me throw up, it’s disgusting. Just not tasty
I have never liked it, probably never will
Bread grows in mouth, milk’s slimy, meat is animals get killed
And it’s full of sinews, tendons and gristle
Everything is wrong to put in my mouth
So leave me alone, I mean I mind my own business
I don’t need no psychiatrist talk
I’m hating you when you force
Just let me be the anorexic whore

Mike

1. Darling boy how quite you are now, no idea how you make me feel
Oh boy, I wanna… what’s the reason to say it, it’s gonna get censured

Ch. Mike, Mike, Mike, where have you been my whole life?
You’re the most perfect man (in the whole entire world), and the only man that’s perfect

2. Oh mike, why do you lick on her, Mike?
Don’t you get it sweetheart, she doesn’t deserve you
Mike, I kill her if you don’t start loving me, stop loving her
Get it man, I do anything for you, I’m a devoted whore

Ch. Mike, Mike, Mike, where have you been my whole life?
You’re the most perfect man (in the whole entire world), and the only man that’s perfect

3. Sweetie boy, how close I’d like to be to you
Yes, I don’t really know what I feel for you
I love you and I hate you, but to me it’s all the same
Get the picture, ha?

Ch. Mike, Mike, Mike, where have you been my whole life?
You’re the most perfect man (in the whole entire world), and the only man that’s perfect

Dying To Talk To Me

Intro. Why aren’t you calling me, why aren’t you calling me?
Why aren’t you calling me, why aren’t you calling me?

1. Where are you baby, have been sitting by the phone since 4 o’clock this morning?
Are you with some girl babe, why aren’t you phoning?
You promised, you promised and I trust you
Something must have happened, oh my true
Love

Ch. I know why you ain’t calling me
You’ve got a cold, migraine and fever, aids and epilepsy
Your old mum’s gone ill, you haven’t paid your electricity bill
Your phone is broken, your voice is choking, but
You’re dying to talk to me
You’re dying to talk to me

2. Your boss was bitching (with you), you had to work overtime
Perhaps you drove so fast home that your car broke down
You were stopped by the police, ran out of gasoline
Maybe you drove over a cliff, are lying dead and stiff
You had to fly to Morocco, this night in rush

Ch. I know why you ain’t calling me
You’ve gone lost in your house, became insane and will always be
They came and took you away, you screamed and cried my name
Cause you were dying to talk to me
Dying to talk to me

3. You’ve lost my number, got locked up in your cellar
You were drugged at a bar, you’re sleeping, but you well are
My phone may be dead, I’ve gone deaf and can’t hear the signal
You can’t get through, but that’s the only thing you really want to

Ch. I know why you ain’t calling me
You’ve been kidnapped by cannibals, been eaten as meet
Oh my baby, how I’ll take of you when you get in touch and free
Cause all the time all you were doing was dying to talk to me
Dying to talk to me

Weakness In My Brain

1. Stray your answers in my sand
Build me a castle. We’d keep it and
We’ll live together; I’ll be a part of your steam
That is kept in a dream
Come together we tear apart
Burst like a twig in the blue whale’s heart
We both have things the other doesn’t like
Time to change

Ch. Sign of devotion
Sign of moldering
Sign of me and shine right through
I envy you
Maybe that’s why I say the things I should leave to the few in fire
That’s a weakness in my brain

2. Raining blood from my eyes to yours
Can’t reclaim I did my course
Swallow what you can’t get down
In my brain, in my head, till I’m dead
What you’ve done, I wish I did
Know you’re so much better than me, and I hate it
You supply yourself with what you need
Why can’t you supply me?
When you don’t jealousy starts off and runs in my veins

Ch. Sign of devotion
Sign of moldering
Sign of me and shine right through
I envy you
Maybe that’s why I say the things I should leave to the few in fire
That’s a weakness in my brain

Don’t Keep On Burning Me

1. Oh, I guess I’m a little depressed today
Don’t laugh in the mornings, don’t sing before noon
Cause if you do, you’ll screw up during the way
Cause when one is finished another one starts
What one takes back get us all to part
Looking on what was before I came
I wouldn’t do it the same
I was young and foolish
Didn’t know what I was doing
Nowadays, I do it in other ways

Ch. Don’t keep on burning me
For the things I’ve done
Don’t keep on hurting me
Regret. Wish I could turn back time
Don’t keep on burning me, for my past

2. I licked boots and conveyed myself away
I didn’t try enough
Struck down by every single fail
Surrounded myself with the wrong people
Thought the wrong deeds
That I wish I never believed
I was young and foolish
Didn’t know what I was doing
Nowadays, I do it in other ways

Ch. Don’t keep on burning me
For the things I’ve done
Don’t keep on hurting me
Regret. Wish I could turn back time
Don’t keep on burning me, for my past
Come again

I’m Crazy

1. My mind won’t help with rehabilitation
In your eyes I am a recrimination
I’m the train that just left the station
I’m crazy

2. My brain travels throughout the nation
Put me in a cell, that’s a recommendation
I’m a danger for your salvation
I’m crazy

3. I turn myself in, this is your only occasion
Should be grounded, but that’s discrimination
Goes up, falls down then I’m raging
I’m crazy

4. There’s where we’re at, this is the situation
Don’t you dare throw out my invitation
I want to be the reason for your masturbation
I’m crazy

Vision Of The World

1. First Columbus killed all Indians, then Hitler murdered the Jews
Now the soldiers in Ex-Yugoslavia make people go through the most awful abuse
Raping, murdering, film it and voila:
We got the most splendid movie, to masturbate at

Ch. But I have created my own glass world
Everybody can see, but I can’t see out
Cause I got Jeopardy that keeps me in a safe place
And I have my own vision of the world

2. Watching Hollywood action, someone dies
Switch the channel, a naked girl clue rice
Next one’s got commercial excitement
Business world hurry, got to participate

Ch. But I have created my own glass world
Everybody can see, but I can’t see out
Cause I got Jeopardy that keeps me in a safe place
And I have my own vision of the world

3. Another murder takes place in another film
A bitch in a porno movie, she’s up to the hilt
I may not sing the f word in my songs, I may not say what is right
Cause CNN is live from Peru, where Miss Parez family died tonight

Ch. But I have created my own glass world
Everybody can see, but I can’t see out
Cause I got Jeopardy that keeps me in a safe place
And I have my own vision of the world

4. When I sit with Lethal Weapons and then change to BBC
How can anyone expect me to understand what I see?
When people die and suffer, I just change channel fast
And forget I ever saw it, cause that’s not where I’m at

Ch. But I have created my own glass world
Everybody can see, but I can’t see out
Cause I got Jeopardy that keeps me in a safe place
And I have my own vision of the world

Br. You saw/watched your brother die, you saw/watched your father die
Your mother murdered after rape, your sister had to escape
Their only crime was fighting for your rights
But you didn’t stop battling with the weapon peace
Indian freedom, everybody ain’t like that at ease

Ch. 2. Gonna try to change will share what I’ve got with ‘em
Will join Amnesty International, Greenpeace and be earth’s friend
Will recycle everything I buy, take care of them, I’ll do it
And eat my world made of glass, I make you who’s building one see and hear
I’ll travel the world, try to make a change, gotta start with little me

Plane Crash

1. What a sudden accident, a plane crashed again, though it’s meant to be so secure
Did you hold your book tight, when it fell in a sight, that could be mixed up with the look of massacre

Ch. Even though the politicians promised
Even though the military promised
A lot of mummies and daddies went home without their children today

2. Flew so fine, no sight of wither, suddenly it began to dither, people didn’t understand it was insane
We were too limp to stop, so we watched the biggest flop, all those billions of dollars go down the drain

Ch. Even though the politicians promised
Even though the military promised
A lot of mummies and daddies went home without their children today

3. Then the plane did rear, we thought; too bad we’re not near, I could see this much better from a height
Then the pilot shot himself out, it was a brilliant trick from the ground, everybody saw the flashing light

Ch. Even though the politicians promised
Even though the military promised
A lot of mummies and daddies went home without their children today

4. Then it crashed against the ground, screaming people ran around, shocked and crying in the smoke
But the prime minister didn’t mind, it’s just the second time around, if people burn to death it’s their problem, this plan is an oak

Ch. Even though the politicians promised
Even though the military promised
A lot of mummies and daddies went home without their children today

Roll Me Over

1. How can I tell you, I don’t want to see you
When I don’t want to be so close that you’ll hear?
Run for cover baby, you better run for shelter
You better go looking, go searching for harvest

Ch. Roll me over baby, roll me over, and forget that I was
Roll me over baby, roll me over, or I might get caught

2. Don’t steal my freedom, it’s hard to say no
Probably harder than saying yes*
Breaking out of my glass world, you better break out
Better break the wall, break the wall of glass

Ch. Roll me over baby, roll me over, and forget that I was
Roll me over baby, roll me over, or I might get caught

3. I have always found it hard to gain with people
I don’t really like them, they don’t think like me
You better say a prayer, a prayer for me
Better do it at night when God is busy

Ch. Roll me over baby, roll me over, and forget that I was
Roll me over baby, roll me over, or I might get caught