I don’t like to be forgotten
You forgot my name
Sara it is, Sara not Sarah
Fucking man, fucking man, I don’t want you
I don’t like to be forgiven, you forgave me
For what?
I never made a mistake in my whole life
I never made a mistake in my whole life
I never made a mistake in my whole life
I never made a mistake in my whole life
1. Babe, I do feel it, the depressions overflowing, I sit back and wait for the flood
/ Nothing’s wrong, I’m okay but if I wasn’t would you care
2. I, my love, it’s getting bad. I’m not feeling all that good (enough)
/ My little problems of a small human, more than you can bare
3. It’s nothing, nothing special, just a neurosis, the usual doses
/Just watch me, I’m safe and sound, you find my problems tiny
4. I don’t know where it comes from, out of nothing bad arose
/ What are yours then? Soaking in your wining smiling
5. Nothing’s wrong I’m okay, but if I wasn’t would you care?
/ You can’t watch, it’s too hard, it could affect your thinking
6. Little problems for a small human, during the small hours, more than I can bear
/ Fact is I don’t fight your power, fucking bitch I’m sinking
7 But watch me, I’m safe and sound and my problems are all tiny
/ Doomed and dying, all you can think about is your new pants and your latest hairdo
8. I can’t watch, it’s too hard, it could affect my thinking
/ Disappointed go ahead, talk some more, we rarely ever talk about you
9. Devils doomed and dying, worse, when the flood is over I’m sinking
/ You think, so it’s your problem, don’t involve me, I don’t want to get involved
10. It’s my problem, don’t involve me, I don’t want to be involved
/ My main concern I learn nothing from this, nothing is that I can solve
11. It’s my main concern, I’m conscious, it’s over when the problem’s solved
/ If there’s no solution in front of my eyes, there’s nothing for me to do
12. But if there’s no solution there’s nothing for me to do
/ So I can with a damn good conscience go back to worrying about my hairdo
13. I go back to worrying ’bout the right hand, both feet
/ I will never do anything for you again, since you never done nothing from me
14. I don’t need your fake empathy, Milton is my closest buddy
15. You didn’t bother I hope none of your torments lets go, none of your bruises will grow well
16. You’re the devil, you’re the Satan, return to where you came from: Hell
1. Babe, come back, I pay you lots and lots of money
I whisper to the cushion, knowing I will stay in bed
One night passed and another one is falling
You left my room, but wouldn’t leave my head
They come in different sizes, but all more or less appalling
What they got in common is the pleasure they get from turning me into debris
2. I went by train, went whoring for a man
My excuse was bad, I wanted to be paid back for each tear
The child screams “Sara the whore” when I pass him
It’s your clothes that are cool, and not you, dear
Committing infanticide, it’s about time, when you’re 23
Pinpointed on the spot, I give you that much, right down to the essence
I found out you were not who I thought you were, feeling disgusted and noxious by your mere presence
3. I’m gonna close my eyes and pretend you’re not here, there, I feel better already
You don’t ache, you don’t hurt, you don’t stain, you don’t burn, you don’t itch
But what’ll I do now when the greatest county in the world’s been reduced to kitsch
No, no sucking on your words, no wishes, no good luck, no lust
But what do we do now, when the greatest country in the world’s been reduced to dust
I guess you just have to do the best you can
Whatever you do, don’t fall in love again
“I’m trying, but it’s so hard”
“That’s what you said ‘bout the last one too and look how that turned out”
Yeah I know how quickly it disappears
I’m gonna close my eyes and pretend it was never there
I’m working, work harder
I’m fighting, fight harder
I’m not self-made, whatever he says, don’t let it get to you, don’t let him do you wrong
I’m just gonna close my eyes and pretend you’re already gone
1. I never heard it rain like this before
Seems heaven is throwing up and down all the sweat
It gathered from carrying your bracelet for so long
And I know how much a bracelet can weight
And it tosses the leftover grief it doesn’t want anymore
Sprung from jealousy, envy and things it doesn’t get
It’s evil, distasteful, it’s a death sin, it’s wrong
It’s supposed to be solidarity, but it turns to hate
Just stretching out an under human cry
So you ejaculate your busy self, away from the sky
It’s Sunday, a never ending day, a horrible day
I put on my death mask, my uniform, my armour and say
2. “I was convinced men were unable to love till I met you
To bad it wasn’t me your arrows pointed at
It’s all fine by me that you love that girl
At least I outsmart my phone once in a while
Give me some fake men, and some phony friends too
I’m empty inside, I’m a vessel, I’m a vat
I’m the sky from which the sweat has all been hurled
Didn’t you listen how I laughed or looked how I smiled?
When you ejaculated yourself away from me
Let’s pretend free, is not just another word for lonely
3. I’m gonna play I’m a man
Just pass me out phone numbers, I take ‘em all
But I will not call
I can be at heartless as you can
We stood there in the church together when he said “I would never marry, cause I would never
Be faithful to one girl”
That’s when it struck me, I had fallen in love with a man
Incapable of loving, I guess they never can
That’s a comfort if you can’t love me, then you can’t love her
4. So I mind play when you ejaculate yourself away
It’s just me and the sky against you this Sunday
Fragile armour that ain’t bulletproof, that’s just gray
And you’re winning, we’re loosing, you leave, we stay
1. And the men they are smoking
And the men are all drinking
And the men are toasting
And the men are singing
And the men are social
And the men are friendly
And the men are laughing, cause they can afford it
And the men are approaching
And the men are so pushy, they know what they want and make sure that they get it
2. And the women are bitter
And the women are ice cold, they just clam up their legs, hope no one sneak in the back way
And the men they are whores, and the women are witches
They get paid to undress and call themselves* bitches
And the women ain’t writing, guess they lost both arms or something
They claim they’re happy for you, but don’t care if they never hear from you again
“We like to do it with friends”
3. And the women are bitter and will not address you
Only men on these streets, “where do you live, what’s your name, shall we meet, meat”
And the women are bittersweet and the women come from factories, dress so cheap, up in the window, you go back to work
4. And the men ain’t calling, only the bad ones call, the ones that wants to fuck, the ones that gross you out
And the men are smiling and stretch out their tongues
So you can see their intestines that you wanna see carved out, wanna gut them, wanna gut the men
Cause the women are bitter and dress like the whores that they are
The only g-string you ever see me touch is the one I got on my guitar
5. And the women are bitter and the women are bittersweet
And the men are laughing at the women from the factories
Ant the men are all dancing, and the men are all staring
And the women are worth less than the cheap clothes they are wearing
*each other
1. Didn’t I kill you last song, last refrain, last verse?
No, you’re still kicking in my womb
Hammering another tune
How can you be in my belly and yet slip through my fingers?
I pet myself “do it little rebel child, youngest daughter”
But the rebel child
Wants to lay down for a while
In the mouth of the whale that caught her
I just take what I can, but as always, that ain’t nothing
I clutch what I got, but that ain’t a lot
It’s just the jaws of a whale and it’s hurting
2. Only nutters and freaks falls for me, bring out the crazies army
I can live without a man, but bring me back my C
Hear, I can live without him, leave him be, if I just get back my D, my E
Then you can take your flight
Go aboard, move to her abroad
Leave me tonight
I can bare it all, test me
I’m the strongest, I can bare it
It hurts, I scream, o my I bleed
All dressed in lime and my nicest laundry
I’m prettier than ever, how strong I am, no man inside
I dreamed I was eaten by a whale, like Jonah, but he was spat out alive
Saying “it’s hard to live, hard to love, it’s hard to get hurled”
Just try to be an ugly girl in this world
Yeah I dreamed I was eaten by a whale, which I probably was
It’s so kind of the whale to spare at least one of us
Yeah I can live without you, just like I lived without them all
But If I drown tonight in the belly of the whale, remember it was your fault
It started off as such a good day
Sun was shining, nice weather
Me on drugs so I felt better
Come to think of it, the morning wasn’t that great
My food had gone bad so I had to throw it away
I should have taken it as an omen and crawled back to bed
Kept the hope still intact with the pillow over my head
But, oh, not me, I went out
Thanks or no thanks to repetitive prayer
Photos of Christ that simply wouldn’t develop, patterns in the air
Don’t clear that throat, don’t clean those nails, don’t do that
They didn’t call for me, for once I was proud
Taking shelter under New Zealand, splitting headache, mosquito attack
Palm leaves and kraut rock dancers, sweating heat, where is my Nikitaback?
Did you really think things would change just cause you came here?
You still got that nasty face, that nasty body, you look the same anywhere
All of a sudden I was as low as can be
Mothers and fathers don’t have any daughters, they might turn out like me
He said “you can be my Nancy, and I be your Sid
You can be (my) Mary and I can be your Jack the Ripper”
So hit me then car fucker, kill me then train whore
There nothing you can do to me that hasn’t been done dozens of times before
I guess my loneliness in Sweden is worse than my loneliness here
Here I got no one, there I got plenty of people around me, but not a single one who actually cares
There I was raped by a doctor, here my neighbors scare me to death
Just be grateful to hell bitch, that’s all you ever get
This is great, now I remember just how I used to be
The devil’s gonna get yourself, he already got me
There a man stuck his tongue in some mouth, right after it had been in mine, here the sickos stretch it out in the air instead
Just be grateful to hell bitch, that’s the closest to sex you ever get
Do I really have to kill myself, is that how it’s gotta be?
I never said I wanted to die, just that it probably would be the best for me
There no one calls me. Here they hang up when I do, and get way with it
Just be grateful to hell bitch, that’s the closest to love you ever get
So I went home and cried like a girl
Think of all the eye makeup remover that saved me, sure I’m thankful
1. Quite an art
To live with no heart
I got hard skin
You couldn’t get in
Never underestimate
A woman’s hate
Ch. The past is passed, it’s gone
I never have what I had then
I never be what I was again
2. Whatever happened to you, to make you so cold?
You’re sick in your head, I can tell though I’m not a doctor
And you’re a bad man, I’m no priest, but I can see the devil when he’s right in front of me
You wanted me to stop loving you
Well mission accomplished years ago
Ch. My past is in the past, it’s gone
I never feel what I felt then
Never be naive like that again
Br. The people from Limburg is so much nicer they all claim
Ain’t that a laugh
The past is in the passed
Ch. The past is passed
It won’t come back to me
You slaughtered a bunch of embarrassing memories
The illusion is a shattered mess
I can see the scaffold as I undress
My thoughts, the veil you were for my heart
Now the past is in the passed
1. Don’t take my hand, I’m not a child, don’t try to lead me
But you’re right, there’s an age difference though, I’m in my twenties, you almost 40
Sorry but I don’t feel like being your midlife crisis
Anyway who taught you to look upon women like this?
Is your mother a whore in your eyes, is your sister a slut to you?
No, you just keep your invitation and your phone number too
I’m just trying to wash my clothes, I’m just trying to write letters, I’m just trying to cross the road
But the freaks are in the way, the creeps are in my way, the ugly, the scary, the slimy and the old
Did you really think you could get me? Do you really think we’ve on the same attraction level?
Don’t I seem to say “no” to what you have to offer? Still I keep on being hit on by a son of the devil
Ch. “Hey guys, lets dine on the pillow of the freak magnet
She said ‘no’, what do we care, her tiny hands, her polite manners, let’s go get”
And all the bikini girls, says one big thanks to the freak magnet
“We can sunbath alone, while the sickos are all over your bed”
“Tally ho, lo and behold, it’s happy hour on the freak magnet
He ain’t nice, nor good looking, but he’s convinced he’s the best thing I met, yet
“She’s taking liberties, that little libertine
Let’s put her in place, somewhere where she can’t see, but can be seen
That horny whore, she should have learned the lesson by now
That no matter what you think you are, you’re just a half man, anyhow”
2. I try to be a good human, but good doesn’t pay
Your behavior to my kind is simply not okay
I guess among men like these it’s better to be a beast
Seems I got one gigantic magnet to attract all freaks
Ch. No man, you ain’t getting fuck from the freak magnet
Just watch this shoe sole, I kill you with my bare feet
No man, you ain’t getting none from the freak magnet
I’m sorry man, but I’m just not that desperate
1. “This child has not been baptized, but her name is Maria Cornelia”, it was written in the heavy room of young girls
Eating from porridge bawls with Virgin Mary as their substitute mother, coughing out their lungs in tuberculoses
Getting comfort from the left side with Jesus “let the children come to me”
But on the right side warns the brass snake, biting all the girls in their sssleep
2. Maria Magdalena, St Hienonymos, saints and patrons or maybe just a protégé
Tokens from a mother, a martyr or just a play card, promises of reunion
Only some day later
3. The mermaid in the quiet room, hanging from a Judasboom, curl up in a leave of a gunnera chilensis
Tap tap from the girls steps, echoes in my head, and the coughing; I guess it’s not the proper diagnosis
All doors are supposed to be locked at night
All the girls are supposed to obey their plight
“Young woman lay down or the snake will get you”
4. No, the girl was never baptised
She was given a name by a woman and not by a priest
Left alone in a heavy room, where the brass snake bites Maria Cornelia in her sssleep
1. I never really loved you, you know
I just needed something to hang on to
And you were what were available
If I had had you, I would have left you
2. I needed some help climbing
You were the only hand around
So I settled with your fish cold one
That never knew how to touch a woman
Ch. So that was your goodbye, well this is mine
I leave you to be for sometime
But sleep with your eyes open, lock all your doors
Look behind your back again and again
Cause I come back, when you least expect, I will not rest until you’re down on your knees repenting
3. It’s not that I care about you
But you got ourselves a war
And won the first round, the second
But I’ll win the third, I win the whole
4. Let’s talk boldness, dicksize, stupid lize
Insults, potential me, but you an obvious one
So exactly when did you get in charge?
Exactly why did you think you won?
Outro. It was your goodbye, here swallow mine
Fuck your girlfriend for sometime
But sleep with your eyes open, lock all your doors
Look behind your back wherever you go
Cause I return, you know I will, I will not rest alive or dead until
You’re down on your knees, begging no
Begging me to stop, but I won’t let go
Even if you die, I will not rest
Beg for mercy, beg for forgiveness
Beg for death, far better than my revenge
Exactly when did you get to think it was only your choice?*
You can never escape me, how you try
I will not rest until you cry
I will not let you leave till I tell you too
And I never did really love you
* Exactly when did you get to think you were the only chance?
1. And I don’t feel enlarged, and I don’t feel prolonged
I’m just happy when I sing, some man song
And I don’t have a job and I don’t have a home
All I got is one pebble, I lost my scissors and my comb
Ch. And ahhh, am I supposed to build something here?
And ahhh, am I supposed to build something here?
2. In this pornographic country where I was born a few years ago
It’s just birth, death, rebirth and then redeath once more
I am miserable, got wet toes but I’m brave they all said
And it’s only raining this much cause I have no roof over my head
Ch. How am I supposed to build something here?
How am I supposed to build something here?
3. All week I’ve been hoping for some danger so I can be saved
Curl up all bloody, get blissfully engraved
But when reality’s horror and dreaming is bliss
It just echoes in my guts that I’m too old for this
Ch. How the fuck am I supposed to build something here?
How the fuck am I supposed to build something here?
4. And I don’t have a man, he let me down once and for all
The bastard hung up the phone in my ear when I called
And I do not miss him, I just hate his fucking guts
So how long will it be/take to erase your fingerprints and your touch?
Ch. Am I supposed to build something here?
Am I supposed to build something here?
5. All I can say is thank you for the motivation, sickie
You’re so unreal sometimes I wonder if you ever existed
Or were you just a bad dream from which I finally awoke
Fuck you, fuck her, fuck you both
Ch. It looks like I’m starting to build something here
It looks like I’m starting to build something here
It looks like I’m building
It looks like I’m building
1. This dysfunctional lot on Easter
That suffers harder than Jesus
Who at least had the decency to rise from his tomb
While we suffocate our smiles asleep in our wombs
Just silence and murmur and angry tones
Sweet lullabies sung meant to pulverize bones
Slamming every door
I believe in war
Ch. I believe in war and all the good that it brings
The marches, the trenches, the everything
2. Each one of us thinking we all should go our separate ways
Saying “I want to go home” when this is your home, dear
The cake and the salmon and war on our tables
Round tables we sit hating each other
While we wish for some kind of happiness in the future
I call them my friends but with guns to my head they ambush
Making me say my secrets out loud
Dressing an earful of noise as a shroud
Alliances made with first one then the other, keeping one happy at the time and slamming everything
Believing in good love and all the war that it brings
Br. Thinking it’s better if they fall down dead on the spot so we can go back to loving each other in peace and harmony
Cause gravity’s a fraud and pyroclastic war is apathy*
Let’s just kill ‘em dead and cancel it all
I rather be anywhere than in the center of this war
And I rather watch Jesus on TV than our own private hangings on the cross year after year
Ch. Yeah I believe in war and all the good that it brings
The fear and the terror the everything
*pyroclastic flows are apathy
1. In cyberspace we fuck
But it doesn’t feel that good
Cause I can’t feel it all
Cause you’re not there at all
And as far as I’m concerned
You probably don’t even exist
The man that I dream
Built of imagination molecules
And fantasy DNA
And with flavour of TV-men
2. And I imagine you babe
And you probably got dark hair
And you probably got short nails
And you probably got a big nose
But I’m not that fastidious
And sometimes you’re in a wheel chair, sometimes you’re in a dark state
But you’re definitely not Swedish
I’ve only kissed one Swedish boy and that definitely wasn’t worth the effort
3. And sometimes you’re in a suit and sometimes you’re a dancer
But I am always you and the girls always wearing skirts
And/cause all men come from women and women come from factories
And we look like angels when we come, and you’re always so loving
But I never see you in the crowd, cause you’re my sunglasses
And maybe you’re in my aisles, or maybe you are in my store
But it’s snail time when I look, and I never ever see you
4. So what are you demented, so what are you retarded?
You never show up, you’re as unloyal as they come
So I stand in the preachers bunch, get reduced while he magnifies
And if I get him on the last page, it will be a nice surprise
1. How would my life had looked if I had had a dick ‘tween my thighs?
I had to learn other lies
Would the girls come knocking on my door, beg for more?
Would they come over, licking my lips, loving my skinny hips?
Would I have been perfectly done, if been made a man,
Or would I just be the same woman?
Maybe I’d been a rapist, tear poor girls life to pieces?
Don’t flatter yourself, the sex don’t make you Jesus
Could I be a male virgin, courted by carnal sin?
Would I think, do men think, do men have rights at all?
Would I be enlarged with a dick ever to small?
2. But now I’m a woman, falling from tables, pretty skies
I learn other lies, the absence ‘tween my thighs
But when I’m done falling imagine how much I’ll rise
You see me with different eyes
I’ll no longer be the ugly thing you used to despise
No you brag that you had me to all the guys
We will be of the same size
Equal or whatever
1. I’ve been left over
There just ain’t no place for me
I don’t fit in anywhere
I’m so lonely
No area
No area
2. I don’t want independence
Just a place where I belong
Don’t wanna be a menace/ need vengeance
Just want the gong to gong*
No area
No area
3. Just one man
That’s all I want
He can hit me, kick me, kill me, feed me to the worms
But I still, I still want him
No area
No area
4. You all hit me, kick me, kill me, feed me to the worms
I’m running legless, neckless, then you tell me that you ache and hurt
I don’t listen, I don’t care
No air
-ea
No area
5. All men hit me, kick me, kill me, feed me to the worms
Drinking their sixpacks of dead vaginas from the ex-me’s and fuck their ex teenagers in the ass
But me you just hit and kick and kill and feed to the worms
The absentminded worms that don’t care who they’re eating so they even eat me
There are 3000 stars in the skies
I know cause I counted them all twice
There it goes, the silent phones
And you hit me, kick me, kill me, feed me to the worms
Just one single touch and I can, I can, I can, I can, I can
No area
*the gong, the gong
1. Today is his funeral
I bury him in the ground, he’s dead
I straw no flowers over his head
Dressed in black, leave him to decay
But I can’t get over him anyway
I could have given him anything, anything he fits
Now darling, who will wash your tombstone clean from my spit?
2. I thought you were fulfilling me
You thought we only fucked
I thought you were fulfilling me
You knew we only fucked
I was raped, strapped with his smile still lingering
Raped, strapped with their laughter pouring
I was raped, strapped, blind and mutilated
I was raped, strapped, curses singing
3. Today is her funeral
Dark tomb perverse
I wanted the love from your man for example
This is not a song, it’s a curse
Shine my little lamp, you’re his sun
Shine my little star, it’s my gun
Your funeral’s come
4. I read it somewhere, I’m aware
But I don’t know anything
I know all 'bout the world
Until now I’ve never been there
It was just something I used to sing
But now I’ll blossom from your mold
5. Today is their funeral
I shed no tear, I walk out strong
This is not a curse it’s a song
Today is his funeral
1. I swear that I’ve seen them eat children
Cut little babies up in tiny pieces
Chew and choke them thanking Jesus
Puke ‘em up, shove them down again
I’m gonna call Orff, ask him to give me a hand
Ask him if he wants to play in my band
Songs for the one I presently adore
Sing: “I die when I blink my eyes and can’t see you”
I walk up to explain how I feel for him
But he answers something I couldn’t possibly print
Then he buries me upside down
Head five feet deep, feet sticking out of the ground
And I wave my toes and think
“This is heaven”
2. I say “this isn’t all that bad”
But I can’t really speak since my mouth’s full of soil
It’s the first stuffing I ever had
But I know you prefer us cooked and boiled
So I think “give my regards not to those who listened but to those who tried to understand”
Lovely thought I’m proud till I remember that was no one, no one, no one
“Revenge” I scream, I’ll demolish that pretty little face of yours
Can’t say what I thought was so pretty about it
Your pretty face blindfolded my thoughts
I don’t treat her right, the one inside
3. I swear that I’ve seen them eat all sorts of girls
Picking there teeth after the snack
Saying they’d preferred a bigger dinner
I hope they notice that I’ve become fat
A weary me sleep myself tired, sleep myself buried, sleep myself married
The wind will blow the dust from my bones
I’m gonna grow out of this grave, my feet are sticking out, that must mean I live then
But it’s really fascinating to see how long it takes for nothing to happen
4. No man’s hand in years been mine, no one ever loved me
No one has no faith in me and no one ever loved me
Yet I’m standing, still I’m standing
May it be in a grave upside down
No one likes what I have written, no one ever liked my head
No one ever called me pretty, gee, that remind me of something I’ve never read
Baby is so sweet and gentle, baby is so sentimental
5. I swear that I’ve seen them drink the blood of girls of an age I’ve been
Blindfolded we wash our clothes, if it’s gray then it’s bound not to be seen*
While they plan their next baby meal, shall they eat us cooked or raw
We’re concerned by similar questions such as “will he love me if I swallow?”
Which replaced the even more essential question: “how many calories does a stamp contain?”
We appreciate the help of the baby eaters that helps us get over our love for ourselves
6. I swear that I’ve seen them eat child porn stars, all the hungry, hungry, hungry, hungry men
They say that it is fast food, but it’s heaven, heaven, heaven
*Blindfolded we watch our clothes, if they’re gray then we’re bound not to be seen
Comme d’abitude death comes knocking on our shoulder
Taps us gently on our shoulder
Knocks us over, hard we cramp
First he strike at our back, next out throat
Holds us gently by the throat, allowing enough air to sip
We stand struck by the phantom
The spirit of a young woman, 20
Leaves its body permanently
Dies a little with her, knowing we are next in line
Anyone is next in line
Confounded death he looks beguiled
“I work so hard unappreciated
Vicious livings hold me hated
As I take their friend and child”
We exhale warfare
Ponder nail care
Keep our thoughts off death as much as we can
Nailing our feet to the ground
Don’t take me, take another one, anyone
The girl from a woman born
I don’t even know who I mourn
Taken by a death so fierce
Polish nails cover ears
1. All the time my darling leaves
Rushes off to unflat lands
He leaves me, not knowing leaving
What binds, that he restores
I restore in others jesters
Not the bestest smile produced
He shall be mine, everyone or no ones
But he ain’t mine, he’s everyone’s he’s no ones
And my eyes are on the inside of his pants
Looking out on my own face, ignorant bastard, always late
When he plays, I awe, but afterwards it just strikes me as plain
2. All the rings my darling heaves
My cut off head is in his hands
He heaves it, not knowing heaving
Rushes off to unflat whores
He lay safely in my pesters
I lay crooked and unused
Play piano, that’s enough, that’s enough by far
Play me a piano baby, that’s enough by far
But there just ain’t no use is there
You gonna leave me right here
And I just can’t get it to work can I?
Can I?
I just can’t get it to work can I?
(fade out)
1. I’m the industrial worker
Who radiation has stained
And the men with the power
Easily keep me in place
And I ride the bus each day to get there
And I ride it back home
Then I go to sleep
I wanna roam
Ch. I wanna be someone
I wanna be somewhere
I don’t want to be an industrial worker
2. My radiation stains
Keep me in chains
Their tarnation
My disintegration
Then there’s the lucky ones
The others and their three friends
Against my grievance
Ch. I wanna be someone
I wanna be elsewhere
I want to be more than just an industrial worker
Br. I wanna take my industrial face
Its radiation layers against there lace
Ch. I wanna be someone
I wanna recover
I don’t want to be an industrial worker
1. They come and go like matches, like railroad, like thread
Put up a good face, let down some new hair that stays
Gloat some yellow, devil’s color
Ch. We don’t have a lot, no we certainly do not
All we got is the fat, the fat, the fat
2. I wanna peel it off of my body
Then peel it off of my mind
I wanna peel off my skin
And dress in him
(My legs feel heavy as she dies away (from me))
Ch. And I don’t have a lot, no I certainly do not
All I got is the fat, the fat, the fat
3. All my friends are useless friends, all my friends are useless friends
Few are the people I hate more, than I hate them
4. Cause they don’t have a lot, no we certainly do not
All they got is my fat, my fat, my fat
I peel off my skin
And dress in him
Br. He* was a tree, but now he’s mine
His paws, their muddy waters
He was a tree, but now he’s pine
His paws upon our daughters
And he gives me what they don’t
And he gives me, but they won't
You were a tree, men nu är du min
I peel off my skin
And dress in him
*you
1. They gather fortunes by the mouthful
Then spit out their misfortunes on me
Either seems quite hallow
Cause I’m hanging from a tree
They say they haven’t been happy for a second now
I say that I’ve been hanging from a tree for hours
They say “only you can heal yourself”
I say “don’t underestimate your powers”
Ch. Cause I’m hanging from a tree and they don’t cut me down
I am hanging from a tree and they don’t make a sound
They just talk amongst themselves bout their common ground
As I watch death come tumbling down
And I’m underneath the avalanche deep buried in snow
And they don’t let me down, they just let/watch me go
They talk about themselves then and now
As I watch death come tumbling down
As I watch death come tumbling down
Undeserving they call me
When I’m hanging from a tree
2. “So you place yourself in the center again, didn’t you know that’s our space now”
“Dear I’m just hanging from a tree, can’t help noticing you don’t cut me down”
Ch. Cause I’m hanging from a tree and they don’t cut me down
I am hanging from a tree and they don’t make a sound
They just talk amongst themselves bout their common ground
As I watch death come tumbling down
And I’m underneath the avalanche deep buried in snow
And they don’t let me down, they just let/watch me go
They talk about themselves then and now
As I watch death come tumbling down
As I watch death come tumbling down
3. Is it too much to ask for, a little aid at need?
But they don’t even see, death tumbling down, cause they’re quite busy hanging me in a tree
Ch. Yeah I’m hanging from a tree and they don’t cut me down
I am hanging from a tree and they don’t make a sound
They just talk amongst themselves bout their common ground
As I watch death come tumbling down
And I’m underneath the avalanche deep buried in snow
And they don’t let me down, they just let/watch me go
They talk about themselves then and now
As I watch death come tumbling down
As I watch death come tumbling down
1. I was just about to use their freedom of speech
Cause ridiculously enough I felt liberated
And for a moment it all seemed within reach
So my two conditions I stated
First you have to unrape me
Make the previous touch undone
Then I demand an apology
Though I never gonna get one
I speak of fish and freedom, way down under
What I lost in size they gained in number
All of a sudden they loved it
2. Sometimes the ones that love you ain’t the ones that want your best
But a fake smile is still a smile and a fake crest is still a crest
They knew upon a fish soul it’s easy to trespass
When they were done they left behind a carcass
And myself just getting dumber
What I gain in size I lose in number
A fish being their pray
3. I left my fish soul in Oceana to die
The dark years were over and so was I
Everything’s been so much better than then
A fish soul is heavy to carry around
And for years I’ve stayed in a slumber
What it gains in size, I lose in number
Nice crag not to jump
But first you have to unrape me
To make the previous touch undone
Then I demand an apology
But I know I'll never get one
(000607)
1. 3’s the number of books that I read
20 the number of curses I said
One is the place I would be but then
The scare kicks in, kicks my face
Wipes the courage from/off my back
Of my gut it leaves no trace
Gone's the courage for I know it
2. So I sample one more book
With nausea penetrating every limb
Disappointed of what I should have been
Exhausted from all sleep I got to sleep
Contract and injure all my precious sick
Paralyzed in dignity
Take off my guilty piece of a conscience I no longer have
3. Off I go, the gay young bride
Tear that book, tear that book, tear that book
Remember what I had before I left
Then I find the courage to stay away for good
1. Drunk again in the middle of the way
All theaters have to wait, he has that effect on people, on me
Loved man, seducer, life eater
2. Whiskey bible, snapshot, shut off and more to drink
He has that effect on me
Screaming songs, answer machine, unloved devil, betrayal, life butcher
3. Dry to think off why he’s loved
The off takers, take offers, life takers, life slayer
4. His fish can impress, what about my transparent blouse
Almost naked, transparent blush
Thank oh lord for Jack Daniels
When a man’s a headwry, life cooler, life strangler
Thank you woman for that word
All the women are better than men
Women write with sharper heads
Sly as hell, you heart wringeling shape rapers, life stirrers, ice dildos, hell stirrers, life killers
5. You may chose between not me or never me
Gee thanks but that’s a pissoffer, off pisser, life stealer, steal offer, damn devil, life offer, sacrificed and dead beater
6. Hail the country on my side
Honor the woman who sang to me that day
Praise the ones who wrote those words
Miss D and miss P
And me, hear that, me, me
Hear that, life stabber, backstabber, hell lingering, life stabbing man I had
1. Sorry, there’s no excuses
Clearly she’s responsible
One life for her foot goes down
Bitch is on her way to hell
Her blood was the first
Now the blood she took
Next the blood she gives
Hold on to your tongue
2. No repentance clears her name
All the gore is cost the same
Sludge of gore, sludge of the whore
Anonymous clears off blame
Their guilt was the first
For their guilt she paid
Now the guilt’s on her
Ride on others blood
3. Normally defend her kind
But she is one other sort
Comes from film notorious
Responsible to be there
No remorse I give
No forgiveness gives
No excuses hear
Good repentance wants
4. Lots of red under the pink
Circumstances to ignore
Yes you know now what I think
Lay most blame on her, the whore
Others unknown will
Also pay there share
But the bloody shoes
Don’t just cleanse themselves
1. The dawning upon me, fell harder than the fiend
The harder the knock, the sharper the blow, I’ve rarely been happier
But mama, when it changes too fast for me
When I’m stuck in their concentration camp when everybody fucking me over
Then I too crouch, defend myself, and think filthy thoughts of fierce death, autism and the deal you know
Icon down, one by one, after a while you realize she stole her words from a man
Then she’s not so glamorous, no she’s barely smart or splendid
It doesn’t fuck me too long though, only till the shock jumps in
And I’m once again in Belcross farm
I don’t have to be me anymore
2. She practiced her persistence and perception, why can’t I
Also the male, the life, was a copycat and a thief
Originality’s gone and done and not so common
And we’re once again in Belcross Farm
3. The bitch said “why live you’re gonna die anyway”
I yerked “why die, I’m/you’re gonna live anyway”
And we’re once again in hell, and we’re once again in Belcross Farm
4. Oh no my headbags are bleeding, damn you liar and deceiver
That find your nasty things in your nasty faces
Then who are you trying to prove things to, you or me, or are you just trying to convince yourself you’re wrong
That despicable little word thief, shut her mouth with some oyster
And that distinguished little dogma thief, teach her a lesson, you’re just hate and unpleasure, that’s what you are
And I’m once again in Belcross Farm
5. Always bad days, a good day doesn’t mean it’s been any good, just that it hasn’t been so bad
Oh my God, the night hour’s here, and I’m once again in Belcross Farm
6. Don’t read that book it only eclipses your head, to finish if up is preposterously dismal
You say and embellish my harm
And we’re once again in Belcross Farm
7. Mama the animalist eats his cornsteakbeef, then he eats me
Then it’s my turn to be digested
One thing (always) lead to another, even cow
And we’re once again in Belcross Farm
8. Guess it’s not much to do but be grateful as long as it last
Doesn’t rare it’s ugly head, he says I rear my ugly head
I say he envies my talent to … I beat his by far
But somehow we’re once again in Belcross Farm
1. Blue Joe wears a red skirt
It’s not very long or warm
Trespasses boys with lightning*
Then gets lost** to find the giggling cunt
Bitch I would never wear something so repellently appalling
It’s just your lousy kind that wears that color
I’m all dressed up but I can’t come in
Why is that, “why is that, don’t you know
It’s cause three thousand years ago a star gazer said so”
Ch. Blue Joe, Blue Joe
Blue Joe, Blue Joe
2. No one wants your skill my friend
They say your dressing is a little hysterical
No one’s listening/No one listens to people wearing thirties
You got to fit in with the lonely bad people
Bitch you know nothing about my waltz
To you I’m just another unsaid number
To you I’m concealed in women’s foe
Why is that, “why is that, don’t you know
It’s cause two thousand years ago the stars did say so”
Ch. Blue Joe, Blue Joe
Blue Joe, Blue Joe
3. Blue Joe goes back home
The bus is hot and the teenagers ugly
Step off at the correct stop
No one called to say “we love you, Joey”
Bitch you could have said you’re sorry
Been on your knees begging for my mercy
Begged me for my fantasies
But you don’t, why is that, “don’t you know
It’s cause 40 years or more ago P did say so”
Ch. Blue Joe, Blue Joe
Blue Joe, Blue Joe
Br. Not even the spare changers
Not even the cunt mongers
Not even your likings
Likes you here
Am I hurt? You bet your sorry fucking ass I am
Ch. Blue Joe, Blue Joe
Blue Joe, Blue Joe
Blue Joe, Blue Joe
Blue Joe, Blue Joe
*Passes three boys with lightning
** then goes out
1. I know a girl, her name is May, who’s proud to get hit
Smiles when she’s humiliated and that’s not even the worst bit
That little sucker runs her life, don’t she hate it, no she don’t
Cause also she thinks the woman is a gift for, was created to please, is made for the pleasure of the man
2. May loves Wacko, he’s married, got a daughter, a respected citizen
Long is the list of mistresses that’s passed, he always said he won’t do it again
He says his wife doesn’t do all he wants from her, and is a little too fat
May’s pretty, but stupid, his wife the other way around he says, they’re not good enough for a stud like that
3. May don’t have no dignity, she doesn’t respect herself or me
She says women are the weaker sex and it’s nothing to do anything about
I say “speak for yourself” she insist “we don’t measure, no doubt”
I say “May, look at yourself, so lonely, where is this gonna end”
“what about you then” she replies “you’re ugly and a feminist, how could you possibly get a boyfriend?"
I say “that’s got nothing to do with this, May, you don’t get love just cause you obey”
She says “did you know by the way, a feminist’s a woman who’s too ugly to get laid”
Wacko says that women are the weaker sex, that we should be thankful we got this far
I look myself in the mirror, tells him he don’t know how far I got
He says “Lola, I’m a man, therefore I’m better than you are”
I say “Wacko, you deserve to die a lot”
May says a man should be with lots of girls, that just makes him more a man
A girl shall spread and shut her mouth, and if she doesn’t like that then she’s a lesbian
Wacko says “that’s well spoken, well for a girl that is
Thanks for the blowjobs May, I gotta go, let me honor you with a goodbye kiss
And remember stay in laying position, no use trying, I mean can you name one single paintress”
“Gentelleshi” I reply, he doesn’t answer, goes, and May sits down by the phone and waits
In my head their words still echoes, I give up all hope
When he said he wants either a whore and a virgin, he says that she’s neither, she says that she is both
Outro. Lola says “I would rather die than have a son, Yeah, I would rather die than have a son”
She says “a lot of people asks if God really is a man, but no one questions that Satan is one”
She says “I would rather die than have a son, I would rather die than have a son”
Nothing’s wrong, I’m okay but if I wasn’t would you care?
My little problems, of a small human, more than you can bare
Just watch me, I’m safe and sound, you find my problems tiny
What are yours then? Soaking in your wining, smiling
You can’t watch, it’s too hard, it could affect your thinking
Fact is I don’t fight your power, fucking bitch I’m sinking
Doomed and dying, all you can think about is your new pants and your latest hairdo
Disappointed go ahead, talk some more, we rarely ever talk about you
You think, “so it’s your problem, don’t involve me, I don’t want to get involved
My main concern I learn nothing from this, nothing is that I can solve
If there’s no solution in front of my eyes, there’s nothing for me to do
So I can with a damn good conscience go back to worrying about my hairdo”
I will never do anything for you again, since you never done nothing from me
I don’t need your fake empathy, Milton is my closest buddy
You didn’t bother I hope none of your torments lets go, none of your bruises will grow well
You’re the devil, you’re the Satan, return to where you came from: Hell
1. Don’t go Henry, here is where you belong
Don’t go Henry, this is the best of two worlds
I wish I was your universe, juniper, unicorn aaah, for you I’m falling headlong
He says “I think you’re a rather pretentious girl”
I reply “rip my gown and take the cloths to tie around my gaze
Let me hear another mans song and collapse in all its grace”*
2. Don’t go Henry, say to me what I want to hear
Don’t go Henry, when that goes down, all goes down
And I don’t need that kind of friendship
He says, “I obviously met a pretentious one”
I reply “rip my gown and take the cloths to tie around me
Let me hear another mans song avoid collapse of/from the love for Henry”
3. Don’t go Henry, I think it’s the high heels that make me fall headlong
Don’t go Henry, here is where the universe in your head belong
You’re just a boy, I nurse your crazy brain
But Henry neither speaks nor answers anyone in vain
I think “rip my gown, take the cloths to tie around both my arms and legs”
But Henry’s not the kind of man who listens, and I’m not the kind of woman that begs
4. Don’t go Henry, I beg you, take care of yourself better
Don’t go Henry, I know your eyes were thumping mine
I say Henry I love your face and your head, but I don’t like your heart
He says “that’s it, you’ve crossed the line, you’ve gone too far”
I reply “rip my gown, take the cloths to tie around your neck
Be ashamed you lost my loving, that’s your life’s biggest regret”
*all in its grace
1. And the woman loves the man, so the man is loved forever
Cause women love till the end of time
When he left she broke, come back to me, leave never
But men they leave as soon as they can
Then live in an upside down turned glass, breath vacuum
And be more of a dead than he was
2. I think he moved me, held me, used me, now he’s gone, I’m drowning in stormy waters
And I love him still, I don’t have a better word for it, some say it better than others
Now the hate of/is for time that erases memories, memories is all I’ve got
So let me remember that I loved him, the rest of me is void
3. Since I can’t sleep, the dreams were his
Or be, cause all is him
Or live cause life is his
And now I can’t even die cause now even death is his
It was harder not to have than to have and to loose you
But my blood is cold as stormy waters and sitting here is all I can do
I loved him more anyone’s ever loved anyone, then I loved him more
But my blood turns cold as stormy waters when I can’t remember what I loved him for
Still he’s in my dreams, I think it last forever, but he’s gone when I awake
Cause men break hearts with the smile still lingering, while women loves with broken necks
1. Babe, I do feel it, the depression overflowing, I sit back and wait for the flood
I, my love, it’s getting bad. I’m not feeling all that good (enough)
It’s nothing, nothing special, just a neurosis, the usual doses
I don’t know where it comes from, out of nothing bad arose
2. Nothing’s wrong I’m okay, but if I wasn’t would you care?
Little problems for a small human, during the small hours, more than I can bare
But watch me, I’m safe and sound and my problems are all tiny
I can’t watch, it’s too hard, it could affect my thinking
Devils doomed and dying, worse, when the flood is over I’m sinking
It’s my problem, don’t involve me, I don’t want to be involved
It’s my main concern, I’m conscious, it’s over when the problem’s solved
But if there’s no solution there’s nothing for me to do
I go back to worrying ’bout the right hand, both feet
1. I love myself a lot, and I’ve always been proud of myself
One of the best things about me, is I’m not naive
It’s been said by stupid people that I’m ugly and incomplete
But at least I’m not naive
I’ve always been proud of myself about one thing, at least I’m not romantic
So when you fuck ten thousand others, I don’t care cause I’m not a romantic girl
Ch. Take her away they say easy solution execution, then the problem’s gone
But as long as the one I hate is still alive, the one I love have to live on
2. I love myself a lot cause I’m so healthy
I can stand straight, I can stand up
And I’m not particularly scared of either go to sleep or wake up
I’ve always been very proud that I’m a good fighter
I never give up, I always stand a good fight
Nothing can break me, I can take any hard knock
Ch. Take her away they say easy solution execution, then the problem’s gone
But as long as the one I hate is still alive, the one I love have to live on
3. I love myself most of all cause I don’t surrender to depressions or fears
I can take any hard knock
I know what any hard knock is all about
Me and the bitch had a good denying relationship
We used to be best friends, but we fell out
Ch. Take her away they say easy solution execution, then the problem’s gone
But as long as the one I hate is still alive, the one I love have to live on
1. Richard went away, he didn’t tell me why he left
I could have made him feel a whole lot better
But he didn’t want my care
I prefer to care, to not be like him
Not in love with Richard, not in love
But he could have made me feel a whole lot better
2. Wilson screamed in my dirty ear
Just what I needed when my nerves where going
I prefer Wilson to Richard any hour of the day
Even when my arm is going, especially when my arm is going
3. Let’s not think of men in black suites
Let’s not think of men with bleached hair
Let’s not think of arms that are going, leaving fingers behind
4. No Wilson screamed to my going body
Screamed “if your head is spinning the wrong direction, turn and spin it the other way”
So I prefer Wilson to Richard always, cause Wilson always finds the right thing to say
We got out alive when they attacked us
And we got on the bus that took us from Brussels
I sat down behind one of the most beautiful angels I’ve ever seen
His hair was long, dark, curly and shining
His eyes had the same color and eye lashes as Daniel
He bent back his chair and fell asleep
I tried to touch his hair without waking him up
He wore a t-shirt of a band since long split up
I thought he was going to step off in Germany
He didn’t, I didn’t know where he was going, but I hoped he‘d turn his head and notice me*
I wondered how to get his attention, maybe drop a pen or a battery
But I saw him looking at me, so I just thought I wait and see
He looked exactly like the man I like, when he moved his head to music sounding something like…
And the lovely man turned out to be speaking French, I clearly heard him declare “c’est la vie”
He seemed lost in the highway landscape
A little chaotic, when we changed/should he change busses
He sat down in the back, I was in the front
I didn’t see him getting on
I turned around to see where he was placed
I saw everybody and everything, but his face
But he was there, I checked him out
If I was a man, I’d like to look like that
Wanting to be next to him, to be next to him, I give anything
The 23 hours were coming to an end too fast
We entered the city, the ugliest place in the whole world that was
I stepped off, he did the same
People came to met him
Warm kissing
He went, without a single look back at me
I went home, wrote about the journey
*Start talking to me
1. Once upon a time a baby girl was born
One to remember forever more
On the day that she turned four
She secretly promised herself to become a whore
2. Everyone listened when she opened her mouth
She was considered a bright fortune but
When they asked her what she’d be when she grew up
She answered “saint” but thought “slut”
3. Everything she wanted she got for free
Screaming “I’m tormented, look at me
It’s not only that I’m gifted; it’s a genius you see
Chameleon, I be what you want me to be”
4. Acknowledged, popular and praised
From the date of birth to her dying days
Her true nature was not to be traced
When she grinned in all of a chameleon’s ways
5. Icon, friend, idol and wife
To everybody she her true manners managed to hide
Haha, I’ve fooled them all my life
Then she laid down her head and died
1. Closed mouth, closed throat, not a sound, so it’s been said
I can wait another year for his blood to fill my veins
I guess I’m gonna be pretty numb till then
Shut off my life force, until he comes back again
Ch. I am waiting peacefully, until he returns
I am waiting sleeping, until he returns
I am waiting for him to return
I do not exist, I do not exist
Until he returns
Until he returns
2. He is beauty, he is my hope
I hang on to him hard
Hoping to melt his blood-filled heart
Damn my face, damn my voice
Damn the fact that he’s my escalator
Ch. I am waiting silently, until he returns
I am waiting without a sound, until he returns
I am waiting for him to return
I do not live, I do not live
Until he returns
Until he returns
3. I met him and intended “no”
But the word was a fake, my pathetic mistake
I sacrificed one of my fingers
Naive I was, thought I only lost a tenth of me
Now I know I gave him my all
I gave me to him whole*
Ch. I am waiting blood sucked, until he returns
I am waiting in regret, until he returns
I am waiting in shame, until he returns
I am waiting for him to return
I am dead, I am dead
Until he returns
Until he returns
4. Time can open any wound
All of a sudden I once again knew
I had deceived myself as if it hadn’t been enough
And he was there to emphasize the handcuffs
Ch. I am waiting in my black veil, until he returns
I am waiting in my grief, until he returns
I am waiting in obsolete, until he returns
I am waiting for him to return
I am in my grave, I am in my grave
Until he return
Until he returns
5. A mediocre odious, hideous can’t have someone with shining eyes
A melancholy monster with no sense of taste, can’t have what she wants, and she doesn’t try**
A piece of garbage can’t have a king, just because she loves him
And I can’t have the one I love, because he doesn’t/does not want me
Ch. I am waiting chained to stones, until he returns
I am waiting without flesh and bones, until he returns
I am waiting in forfeited, until he returns
I am waiting for him to return
I am lost, I am lost
Until he returns
Until he returns
6. Carry me since I can’t walk
Bury me since he doesn’t love me
Hit me for making a fool out of myself and degrade myself to hell for nothing
Voices in my head says “how could you be so dumb, he used you again, you don’t mean anything to him, he doesn’t care about you”
I remain numb
Ch. I am waiting with no respiration, until he returns
I am waiting moaning, wailing, until he returns
I am waiting in thirsty, thirsty, until he returns
I am waiting for him to return
I be born, I be born
When he returns
If he returns
* I gave him one of my fingers
Naïve I was, thought I only gave him a tenth of me
** A melancholy monster with no sense of taste, can’t have what she wants, and she should not /doesn’t try
This one is for the one
I’ll get over you just like I got over the one before you
He appears sometimes at night in my dreams
But I know I’m not in love with him
But I’m not so sure I want to get over him yet
He’s a few years younger in age and in name
I’m years younger in experience and grade
And I guess it didn’t matter what the same
But it would have been nice if you’d picked me up from my sinking
I suppose you could have if I hadn’t been chronically depressed
That will keep anyone, staying away from another heavy weight
And maybe if I hadn’t said the things I said
Done the thing’s I did, thought thoughts of that shade
If I had looked somewhat different, passed the pretty girl test
Then you might have been impressed
Then you might have been impressed
Then you might have been impressed
Then you might have been impressed
I’m walking the cemetery, fail when I try to come to terms with death
It’s nothing good about it
They can wear their black hair and their bangles, wear white faces and looks of depth
But still death is the optimal fear, still death is the optimal nightmare
And it’s nothing beautiful about it
They can put unlimited amounts of flowers, photos, and poems, but when you’re nine you’re not supposed to be dead
After hours I get lost, walk the highway, truck drivers and buses, traffic lights
Finally home I project, start thinking of the him
I’m watching the sun through metal or plastic, something utmost unpleasant to the ear
And oh I like it, it pleases my inner, ecstasy in a somewhat light degree
But it keeps me from rolling the question over and over
Rolling, “oh, do they talk about me, did he tell you about me?”
My, it’s darker, here in the light, birds screaming in pain, by the thought of death and dying
And I, I am just happy, for a few minutes
And I wonder, “does he notice the change to cold now?”
How many times has he thought of me, if he ever has thought of me?
Now the last few minutes I will not think of me
I will think of kelp and my psychotic box, something utmost pleasant to the ear
It makes me quiet happy, but still death is the ugliest thing, still the only thing to fear
1. Yeah, so you’re the wife ha, just what you always wanted to be
Yeah you’re his wife ha, you instead of me
When your enormous love will grow cold
What’ll you do when he finds another one to hold
Just like he’s always done before
He won’t be loving you forever, that’s for sure
Ch. Then I’ll be in his arms and oh God how he loves me
He loves me more than anyone’s ever loved anyone
I’ll be in his arms and oh God how he loves me
He loves me more than anyone ever done
2. One day he’ll hear my echoes cross his gold spangled breath
My beauty will kill what he thought was love for you
You may at present be his rebound wife
But in the future I’ll be the love of his life
He just don’t know it yet
So take your golden ring, and your smiling face
He will be gone in a few days
When he shows himself to be what he really is
He’ll be mine, you'll be gone and I’ll be his
Ch. I’ll be in his arms and oh God how he loves me
He loves me more than anyone’s ever loved anyone
I’ll be in his arms and oh God how he loves me
He loves me more than anyone ever done
Get out of my face, your stinking face is in my face
Your stinking face is in the way, for my well being
All over a little money
Corpses lips: “thank you Sara, but no thanks”
Princess Sara answers back at him. She talks back, beg, beg, chance, chance
Corpses say “Sorry Sara, no can do
Didn’t really think so did you?”
Princess Sara has enormous fate, in others and in her self
Doctor says, “3 hours, wait, wait”
Princess is catatonic, dies in public restroom
Back is broken, head is broken, eyes are blind
Neck weights as if saying to corpses “change your mind”
Write a poem with no typewriter
Read a book, with no eyesight
Wait 3 hours for a doctor, listen to the music of the youth
Princess small gives not a fuck about youth
The old one, the rich one, they say ”no”
They say “go”, princess did so
They said “thanks, it’s okay but nothing more”
Bitches it’s a lot more
1. Some men take it to the bomb, some take it to the gun
Others take it to the razor blade, or the gas oven
Some take it to the bottom of the bottle, some take it to another land
Some take it to their homes or railroads, others slice up their fellowman
Some men rape and some men kills themselves or someone else
Some take it to any institution, others to a cell
Ch. But I don’t do any of that, nor do I weep, wail, moan or cry
No, I lay down in passivity, wait for my dreams to free me from self-pity
2. Some men take it to food or sports, some get divorced, others marry
A lucky few got a considerable dick size, the rest brags while climbing the career ladder
Some men don’t know very much, and all the feelings are dead inside
Some men never should have been born, others never should have died
Some men take it to love or empathy
Some men break the hearts of girls like me
Ch. But I don’t do any of that, nor do I weep, wail, moan or cry
No, I lay down in passivity, wait for my dreams to free me from self-pity
Ch2. But I would never do anything like that, I was brought up to be good
But I’m not you see, at least not as good as I should
1. Gross and grossness, love’s so tasteless, so disgusting and obnoxious
Blur and cute, I got screwed, sucked up myself, Nero is the king of hell
Frustrated of fright, got that right, so absurd and pathetic
What a stupid thing to do, fall for you, well, Nero is the king of hell
2. His smile screamed out loudly, you’re not, you’re not, you’re not
He looked disgusted, as if I was the one I appear to be
I held onto lots of flowers, and none of them was for him, none of them was for him
But that’s a minor comfort
Ch. If he started looking inside my mind, and he got to know me, then he’d find
I’m not as ugly as my face, and I don’t really hate Valentine’s days
3. But all my fears proved well feared, the one I loved turned out to be Nero
One smack in the face, he smacks me once more
I don’t want to love you, I don’t want to adore you, I don’t want to have any fucking feelings for you
Ch. If I just got along better with my mind
He would not waste the space in my head
The monster the erosion of earth cannot beat
Is the match of life and death
Outro. Something white in my mouth, still I don’t sing lalala
I should have drunk a mouthful of Prozac’s
And the next time I make the same mistake
I shall try not to do it for Nero, for Nero, Twate Nero
1. I was twelve and I loved Steven, I had just been raped by that doctor
And sure I had had my share of problems, I mean, I had just been raped by a doctor
I wrote songs and drew, I wanted to dance, but I wasn’t allowed to move
So I played the guitar better than anyone I knew
But nowadays even that little fucker plays the guitar better than I do
Ch. I cried today, I haven’t cried since the day I left my mothers womb
I told a bunch of lies today, I’ll tell one lie for every heartbeat
I felt kind of low today, One low woman
Hey hi/Hi ho, oh, I’m learning to lie, like a real woman
Some place honor before life
I place my lip size, before my hip size
Yey, I feel kind of deep today, one lie told, one left, I’m half way
2. I was fourteen and I thought that you liked me, I’m glad I was wrong
Thought that I could me someone to adore, but you didn’t take the time
I’m glad you didn’t like me, I’m glad I never liked you back
In my early memories, remember it all
The house and the garden, but you somehow is gone
Have erased you from out of my head
So I’m glad you didn’t like me, and that I didn’t like you back
Ch. I cried today, I haven’t cried since the day I left my mothers womb
I told a bunch of lies today, I’ll tell one lie for every heartbeat
I felt kind of low today, One low woman
Hey hi/Hi ho, oh, I’m learning to lie, like a real woman
Some place honor before life
I place my lip size, before my hip size
Yey, I feel kind of deep today, one lie told, one left, I’m half way
3. Yeah I was fourteen, I lived in hell, and even Satan left our home
Cause in hell everybody played volleyball
Yeah even Satan left his home, cause he was out conquered by ‘em children
“I can barely believe, I can barely see it with both my eyes open, can a child be evil?” asked Satan
Believe me they can
Ch. I cried today, I haven’t cried since the day I left my mothers womb
I told a bunch of lies today, I’ll tell one lie for every heartbeat
I felt kind of low today, One low woman
Hey hi/Hi ho, oh, I’m learning to lie, like a real woman
Some place honor before life
I place my lip size, before my hip size
Yey, I feel kind of deep today, one lie told, one left, I’m half way
4. I was fifteen years, old and confused, didn’t know what I wanted with my life
I was disappointing myself everyday, with my average lie
I was lying to you, lying to me, my whole existence was untrue
I had to find the way to get away from you
Ch. I cried today, I haven’t cried since the day I left my mothers womb
I told a bunch of lies today, I’ll tell one lie for every heartbeat
I felt kind of low today, One low woman
Hey hi/Hi ho, oh, I’m learning to lie, like a real woman
Some place honor before life
I place my lip size, before my hip size
Yey, I feel kind of deep today, one lie told, one left, I’m half way
5. I was eighteen and it was long since I felt pride, and not long since I failed
Long ago I done some good, I wept and moaned and wailed
Once more I tried to cut up my arm, cause a friend told me it eases pain and harm
I pressed real hard, but couldn’t get through
We all envy your beauty, but no one liked you
Ch. I cried today, I haven’t cried since the day I left my mothers womb
I told a bunch of lies today, I’ll tell one lie for every heartbeat
I felt kind of low today, One low woman
Hey hi/Hi ho, oh, I’m learning to lie, like a real woman
Some place honor before life
I place my lip size, before my hip size
Yey, I feel kind of deep today, one lie told, one left, I’m half way
1. In three weeks time I say goodbye to you
It’s gone so far, it doesn’t even scare me anymore
The only thing to fear is you say it to me before
I have the chance to say it, but I’m convinced I’m doing what I have to do
2. Dark silver, dark gray, light black, I try not to offend you
Since you’re sinceriously is trying to escape
This one is for the one who fooled me, who made me think that I
Maybe it was just what I deserved
Better you left me, than me letting you be left by me
Yet it is ugly when someone loses its former innocence
You look at me saying “you think that I have changed
Well maybe then you didn’t know me in the first place”
I say “maybe you’re right and I didn’t really know you, but I gave you enough time to teach me, took enough time to learn, it couldn’t have been my fault”
You say “I’m what I was”
But I say “then how do you explain the difference between us, we both know I’m still right here, that I haven’t moved
You say “you try to own me, I need more space to breath”
I say “I don’t want to have anything to do with you, since you’re obviously so much better off without me”
So bye to that time, to you and to me
We’re so much better off without each other
Now excuse me, I’ll go burn myself alive but when
the fire’s burned out, I’ll be all right again
1. I saw you and a she together, and didn’t feel quite as good as I’d felt the minute before
She wasn’t all that pretty, so I guess you didn’t make a very good choice this time
But there must have been something behind her appearance that arouse your mind
And with me, you don’t react like that at all
And she must have been quite something to catch you
And I know that I’m not like that at all
2. I followed her, in my head, and thought “this will be fine
Her hair and her body shape is similar to mine
Don’t fear me little bitch, I’ll be nice
Stefan’s little girlfriend is heading for a big surprise”
3. So when Stefan’s little girlfriend got home, no I shall spare you all the details
Let’s just say she’s not around anymore, I laid down in her bed to take her place
And waited all evening for the sound of Stefan opening the door
4. He said “honey are you sleeping”, I whispered “yes”
He sat down beside me, quietly he did undress
He said “who are you, where is my baby. I know you’re not my girl
I never would mistake, anyone for her
I know you’re not her, cause there’s nothing in this world like here whispering voice
And I don’t recognize your whispering voice”
Whispering voice, whispering voice
“You can’t fool me” he said, turned me around, hit me and spat in my face
I screamed, “you never see her again, she’ll never return to you again
I’m here with all my desire to take her place”
1. It get quiet, wicked, shuts it mouth
Says I see you again, if you got luck
I sit there, mind is blank, blank is (my) mind, try to recover, you gotta start somewhere
I didn’t actually think I could get this bored
My loneliness, my emptiness, what a fine reward
I’ve got no motivation; I lost my creativity, something I thought I never do
So you’re my purgatory, all my sins I suffer through you
2. Ask me for love, I’ve got plenty in a box somewhere
I keep it there, safe, when no one is near
The only thing that’s important, is what I have created, but now I’m dry
So I’m restless, worthless/wasteless and useless, yet it suffers more than I
Worse – I’m urgeless, when urge is gone, all is gone
Don’t want to do anything, just want things done
Maybe, just maybe, I want you to love me too
Hang on to old things, words spoken, pictures cut out, anything that remind me of you
3. I was an ugly girl, with no meaning and no hope
And I thought his mother, was the most beautiful one of them all
And if she’s there, I ask her why he didn’t love me
I tell her, my mind often a-wandering, but in my heart the nonstop prayers for his love is on
And down there it sucks and swallows, is that good enough for her son?
4. But if you’re there I ask you with my love wasn’t good enough
You’re mine and you belong to me, yet I am put off
You think she’s better, what did she do, that’s so damn fine?
Hours she spent loving you are cold and shallow compared to mine
And then you wanna die, cause she’s not there, not much for me to do
But laugh and wait, I don’t pity anyone, I never will pity you
5. My mind says “no”, but my body says “no no no”, but my mouth says “yes”, oh no
I lost most of my eyesight, no, not much left for me to do
Last night I dreamed of Antwerp, the city for to see
For him it’s just a town, but it’s paradise to me
1. It’s really interesting to acknowledge, how quiet a telephone can avoid to ring
It rings and rings in my imagination, but my ears don’t hear a thing
Your call is always so quiet, and my ears can’t hear a thing
2. Didn’t you get my message, or did you just not care
Have you had too much to drink to remember, or didn’t that bitch give you my message?
How am I supposed to know, the reason my phone doesn’t ring?
3. All of my heart/friends feels sorry for me now, it thinks/they think I was stupid and should have left it to rest/left you alone
I feel I was stupid, when I left you and didn’t go with you
If I had gone with you I wouldn’t have to sit now, wait for my phone to ring
4. If I try to sleep, I’ll wake up soon, from the silence from the phone
If I stay awake I prove myself idiot, thinking you’d care enough to call
And my phone is out the window tomorrow
Yes if you haven’t called me by tomorrow, my phone is out the window and flies
5. It’s already midnight, you might have left, not having that much time at all
Or I gave her the wrong number, or she gave it to the wrong man
The type of man who does not return calls
1. A lot of grief he took it, what difference didn’t it make?
She didn’t understand, she just sold her soul to him, reject all words of warning
A couple of drinks then she was his, and she thought he’d love her ever after, when he didn’t even remember her name, when he awoke the very next morning
Oh my goodness what a mistake
2. I’m freezing now, cold, cold blood
Sick and tired of crisis lead to, I feel bad, as if I didn’t already know
I never forgive him, fuck it all, if he was here, I never would have cried
I don’t care about him, he’s not even important anymore, I’m too tired
Three gallons of wisdom, runs out my flood
3. I wanna be there. I sigh four sighs for each sigh, failed to get drunk, regret it not, realize that it just wasn’t worth it
Too much in my blood, in my eyes, handicap is my mistake, I couldn’t tell them how to live I’ve got nothing to say, they wouldn’t understand by far
Alienated, it’s funny, cause I’m 100 % not like you, there’s absolutely nothing social about this body
Caricature cries but won’t let it show, you can’t trust no one, all this shallow talk, forgotten tomorrow. I wanna be alone now, I want my guitar
If it is but never happens, maybe it doesn’t exist
4. I forgot the will of the crowd, want them gone, conquered by nothing, there’s more than enough
I’m tired of everybody faking bad conscience, as if a single one really cared
I don’t believe in your bad conscience, a fortune, still I didn’t get drunk, ? not when I’m drunk, Him, rather not when I’m drunk, it would never turn out good
Some day, I’ll shape up, not likely, I’ll never be the same, is that such a shame?
I’m the sickest patient in this hospital
I’m the weirdest freak in this institution
I’m the saddest manner among as all
I’m a martyr, not a masochist sitting on the floor
1. Same old pattern, a little renewness would become me, it would suit me (just fine)
He takes away his epitaph
That’s the grip of his hands
And he places it on some other shoulder (than mine)
I place no hand on his collar bone
Not withstanding but not yet redrawn
I see things that aren’t really there
Yeah so does the new one
So does his new girl
A little divine you are sir
2. I have never been there
I don’t want to go there ever again
They (all) look like maggots
Onyx maggots crawls on all in front of me
As long as you reject my love you (really) haven’t got anything to do with it
The last I heard from you were words in a style you wouldn’t normally use
First I couldn’t detect the falter, then in fell upon me, all is merry that’s your news
I wanna be her tongue in your ear
Tons of blood, you matter
And her, I hate, I hate her
A little divine you are sir
3. He coughs blood my man, he won’t live that much longer
Bell tower, no bells, no bell, if there’s no bells, then there’s no song
This time the stories lied, this time there was no swan
No beauty woke up from no sleep
No one did go to his feast
No go on, do my traveling for me
After all I’m just another too fat girl
And you, a little divine you are sir
1. Hi, you forgot to say goodbye, so I thought I call you up to remind you
Ha, you’re busy, don’t you think I know you’re busy, you’ve been busy for quite some time yeah
Listen, I know you ain’t got time, that’s what I’m trying to explain, to say that neither I have time
You remember all those times I told you about dignity, well that’s the one thing I’ve got left
So I tell you now, go to hell
Ch. Cause you won’t be very missed now, will you? I feel dumb
Cause I wont be very missed now will I?
I had too high expectations
Now blow me down, now blow me down, now blow me down, now blow me down to earth
2. You said you’ll never take me granted again
I sacrificed people for you that were more important to me than I was to them
And how do you thank me, you thank me by humiliate my pride
And I don’t want to hear another word from you again
Ch. Cause you wont be very missed now, will you, I feel dumb
Cause I wont be very missed now will I
I had too high expectations
Now blow me down, now blow me down, now blow me down, now blow me down to earth
3. I’m mashed, sunk and descended
Slowly waking up from this bad dream
You ruined all, I hope you’re happy
No, I don’t hope you’re happy
I hope you rot and burn tonight
That’s the only thing that would suit you right
Ch. Cause you wont be very missed now, will you? I feel dumb
Cause I wont be very missed now will I?
I had too high expectations
Now blow me down, now blow me down, now blow me down, now blow me down to earth
1. Sometimes it feels like I’m brighter than average
That it’s those around me, who don’t understand me
That that obnoxious face, in my face is a little bit dearer than them reflect (zachte he said)
And I feel I got what others don’t
Cause I play some, and write some, zacht I said
And than them around me, are intellectual wrecks
And they don’t know what it’s about
But then I ask myself; am I that good
If I’m so smart, let them go
Oh my goodness, I’m pregnant again
Ch. So I turned to them. So I shouldn’t have children
So I should have had them books
I discover what I search
And it’s my loss, only my loss
2. You hear I’m a clever girl, that marble angel
I say I gotta start somewhere
Them are nothing, I should know that by now
Yeah sure I know, but still I haven’t given birth
Hell, I’m pregnant again
Ch. So I turned to them. So I shouldn’t have had children
So I should have had them books
I discover what I search
And it’s my loss, only my loss
3. Yeah, I’m a pretty girl
Not a tromp l’oueil
I’m fantastic and magnificent
I’m all anyone could ever ask for
And thank God, I’m pregnant again
Ch. So I turned to them. So I shouldn’t have had children
So I should have had them books
I discover what I search
And it’s my loss, only my loss
1. I guess it wasn’t your fault this time either
It never seem to be
I look directly at him, saying “I don’t love you anymore”
What a braveness it would have been if he would have cared
And what a difference it would have made if he had been there
Ch. To hell with love, it never seemed that pleasing
It just never seemed to be
I got rid of my ribbons
Cause they freeze me
What a braveness that would have been if they had the power to heal
What a difference love would have been, if it had been for real
Ch. So to hell with love, it never was a reason
To give up dignity and pride
Indeed I dare to say it freezes
At least I can say I tried
(And fucked you up inside)
2. I guess it wasn’t your fault this time either
It never ever is
I look directly at him, thinking “I desire you, worship me”
What a braveness that would have been if telepathy had worked
What a difference it would have made if you had would known, how the exact location point of your answers look, they bow
In honor of how the exact location point of their answers is in return
Bowing to change his leaving steps and turn
1. After he struck me, I forgot to object
It never occurred to me, I could have said no
He lost all interest, started to neglect
It did not take me long to see
You were one of all the people who make everything dirty
Ch. Is this the darkest, is this the worst, is this the biggest swallow?
In that case, I can say thanks, for all the good that is to follow
And what more is I can not wait for this to happen, once more and once again tomorrow
2. With all my best intentions I cannot say it’s beauty
It’s just one of billions in a row
I, I assume legacy is my duty
I cannot believe it took me so long to see
You’re one of all the people who make everything dirty
Ch. Is this the darkest, is this the worst, is this the biggest swallow
In that case, I can say thanks, for all the good that is to follow
And what more is I can not wait for this to happen, once more and once again tomorrow
Outro. I strike you, but I hit you only once
And that seemed to be a good thing to do at the time?
You escaped, took it to the aisles of tubes of blood
It did at the time seem to be the right thing to do
No, It did not last, it would not take me long before I was to see
Everything ugly is the only thing really pretty
Hey love’s just a tiny sorrow
Compared to the others that are to follow
Today the sky is even prettier than your face
The moulding lava clouds of gray
Flowing slowly across my last reflection
Where I can see myself running faster than they
Very soon it will all be over, some day soon
Already I can’t remember
If it is pure happiness to you
Then I be happy too
But if it is just misery and woe
Then I keep shouting, disturb the peace
To make me/you feel at ease
Provoke me and I bite
Divorce me and I neglect it
It’s just culture
Maladies
I disturb the peace
Bright winter, light weight winter, not much of a use to any of us
That annoys us
1. Look at the dumb one, the dumb little girl with the tambourine
Look at the reflections of her, the dumb little girl with the tambourine
And that’s the revenge when you ignore it*, cause of the salvation of the man
That’s how you feel, filthy, guilty
That’s how it feels for the dumb little girl with the mandolin
The dumbest girl you’ve ever seen
2. And you make a mistake, then regret
But you never regret then make a mistake
Like the dumb little girl with the tambourine
It’s easy regretting, when it’s too late, for the dumb little girl with the tambourine
The dumbest girl I’ve ever been
3. Are you scared now for deceases?
Sickness scars that never ceases
Nothing helps and nothing eases
You’re no less frightened of deceases
Dumb little girl with the tambourine
Dumb little girl miss Lodin
4. Are you scared now for to fail?
Watch out you’re not such bright a-lady
But I learn nothing
Nothing from this hell
I do it the same over and over, and over and over again
Got away lucky, how lucky you are
The dumb little girl with the guitar
Yet it’s not your time to go
Dumb little girl with the piano
* And that’s their revenge when you ignore them
1. My tongue don’t feel no taste no more
It’s numb and swollen since you chewed it up
You swallowed it as you kissed me
And then you threw it up
Ch. I can’t speak anymore
I can’t feel anymore
2. My eyes are red and pokes out
Like overfilled balloons they’re about to explode
They’ve been that way, since that day
I bowed for my humbleness and obeyed their load
Ch. I can’t see anymore
I don’t feel anymore
3. So I’ve left your mind, then leave mine
One of the last picture’s I’ve got left in my life
Cause I obey their lust and then end up knowing it’s the time to repent, now it’s my time to repent
Ch. So I can’t speak anymore
And I can’t feel anymore
Br. Watch out Sara Darling, you’re not such a big lady
But I want to be, but I want to be
But I can’t even see, I can’t even feel
"Are you sad now, Sara?” I ask
Answer, you know I don’t know, that sadness is the only thing I never learned to recognize
But I think I miss him, I thought I had forgotten
I wrote “praise the lord, it’s gone, I’m over him, he’s just a thing in the past”
And I laughed, poured a big glass, hallelujah, I’m over him at last
But now I’m not so sure, I don’t know anymore
I think I want to be alone, there’s plenty of men here
I wouldn’t let them touch me for anything
Go, I look, I can’t think of anything to say
I can’t thing of a single thing to do with you
But he then Sara
Yes what about him
He’s so far away, if he was here I wouldn’t come up with a single thing to say
Ch. I can’t speak anymore
I can’t feel anymore
1. I desire peace and quiet, vicious, vicious love of my life
Sorrowful know what this day’s gonna be like
Now too many nights have failed, still I don’t know what to do
Will something not yet created drag me through?
I don’t want to be wrong, I’m always wrong, I never say no to any suggestions they make
I don’t know what I want, I just know that I don’t
Want you binocular sensor pointing at me
2. A part of my life is in constant starvation
For being the main character of my scheme
And I don’t want to spend another second thinking of you, any of you
My earth entire, where did it go so wrong? That’s another song
The fire can undo the worst of sins, but no fire can cleanse me from within
The lake can awake the desire to question, but no lake can make it more than a suggestion
All these/the passages I block, all the possibilities I lock
Gullible waiting for the knock, sitting numb and steady as a landscape
I saw the light and let it out, I saw the door ajar and shut it
I know I can undo, but I don’t know how, or what for
3. Outside my window no growth of trees, can measure up, I don’t want you to see me like this
Poor of strength, rich of lame, wealthy of stench, no nature can compensate these years
I don’t want to hear you say, what I want you to say, when reality comes, you go away
My search for knowledge lingers on
I don’t want any of you to climb
I want to rise, I rise when you’re gone
That’s my grave
1. L’appartement, fucking childhood and the only part that didn’t hurt is gone
Heavy metal, fucking guitar that I never learn how to play on
You got my mouth, drool all over me and never keep quiet
You’re more calm than me, perhaps cause of the fact you scratch and bite
All these years down the line
Even that fucker plays better than I
Ch. Masturbate in wait for something better when all the other hope is gone
Really sick and sickfull, I’m snitched and I’m blown
I’m snitched and I’m blown
I’m snitched and I’m blown
I’m snitched and I’m blown
2. And I’m going, wandering, walking my mind, return, oh it hurts
My gain of this is none
Nothing’s gonna be okay ever, old problems stay, new ones come
And I’m snitched and I’m blown
I’m snitched and I’m blown
I’m snitched and I’m blown
I’m snitched and I’m blown
3. Oh it hurts every piece of my body is in pain
Nothing helps when the biggest part that hurt remain
Masturbate in wait for something good that won’t come
Woe is me motherfucker I am snitched and I’m blown
I’m snitched and I’m blown
I’m snitched and I’m blown
I’m snitched and I’m blown
4. My heart beats too fast, I’m gonna die now, thanks
This God, may I emphasize is not what I asked for, I never asked for any fucking angst
Gloomy head, gloomy eyes, gloomy imagination
I had a nice start didn’t I, such a nice foundation
But no there’s no more perverted ones
No more last trace of any independence
Locked up in isolation
Enter step one, it was never my intention, my head would say
If it could speak, my body answer, I never asked to be in such fucking overwhelming pain
But all these years down the line, the pain in my old body is all I own
I never asked for this, no I’m snitched and I’m blown
I’m snitched and I’m blown
I’m snitched and I’m blown
I’m snitched and I’m blown
*Yet I am not deluded, but not far from
Pain is overwhelming, where did it come from
I’m snitched and I’m blown
No more signs of any happiness what so ever
1. Can’t say that I live, that would be to exaggerate, the farthest I can go is to say I exist
But how come I exist only cause I love you, when my very existence brothers the fuck out of you?
You said you wouldn’t tell all your pals, but what you meant was you’d tell only one, and then let him spread it around
Like as if you don’t have a free will, you do
Like as if you couldn’t have said “no” if you didn’t want to
Ch. And I define and I do fine and never be the same again
And I define and I do fine and never be the same again
And I define and I do fine and never be the same again
And I define and I do fine and never be the same again
2. Your appearance promised that my bad luck could turn
Your person promised all good luck would return
If I have you for awhile, that would mean I have good luck for a loan
And we all want to fuck our lucky stone
I’m proud I only lied to you
A face like yours make any lie come true
Ch. And I define and I do fine and never be the same again
And I define and I do fine and never be the same again
And I define and I do fine and never be the same again
And I define and I do fine and never be the same again
3. Now you have got her, isn’t that awfully sweet?
Just remember you’re my creation
You’re absolutely nothing if not for me
You didn’t, you couldn’t have, this is not what I want to see you do
It wasn’t what I think would be best for both me and you
So you can eat with her and sleep with her and love her till you’re dead
I can’t sleep, I just eat, I lose… I’m thousand with a fucked up head
Ch. And I define and I do fine and never be the same again
And I define and I do fine and never be the same again
And I define and I do fine and never be the same again
And I define and I do fine and never be the same again
4. I’m lost and this nightmare’s tearing me apart while you’re distant
I don’t know why, but I miss being at least the disturbance in your existence
I’m jealous, I’m envious, I bare grudge against your new fate
You’re intact and unaware of all my hate
I always hate so much more than I love
Your were the angel of earth, refusing to let me hold you down from above
Ch. But I define and I do fine and never be the same again
And I define and I do fine and never be the same again
And I define and I do fine and never be the same again
And I define and I do fine and never be the same again
1. He dumped me. He left me to bleed
He dumped the waste. I was the waste
He dumped me when he had lied to me, yeah you lied to me
To the whore, to the whore, to the groupie
To the two drinks cheaply paid off groupie
Can I forgive him? No I can’t, everything is not ok
And I will never forgive him
Ch. And you don’t know do you, you don’t know what it’s like
To love someone with all your might
2. Since it happened I’ve been unavailable. It doesn’t bother me I say and rest
Since it happened I’ve been unable to answer any questions, take up the stride, separate my lips, straighten out my back, calculate, carry the weight of my hips
Humiliated, thanks a lot. I kept it the thing you never got
Undetermined, yes something happened now it’s ruined and it’ll never go away*
And I will never forgive him
Can I forgive him? No I can’t, everything is not ok
So I will never forgive him
Ch. And you don’t know do you, you don’t know what it’s like
To love someone with all your might
Heavy bounces** you let me down
Reconsider, don’t frown, did you ever consider, I might have been the one?
He said “pick up your honor pickup your/the grove, pick up your pride, lay down don’t move”
That’s so easy for you to say you never knew what it’s like when everything is not ok
I will never forgive him. Cause he can’t see that the whore in me looks a lot like a groupie***
Ch. And you don’t know do you, you don’t know what it’s like
To love someone with all your might
Can I forgive him? No I can’t, everything is not ok
And I will never forgive him
* Can I forgive him? No I can’t, everything is not ok, And I will never forgive him
** bruises
*** Since he don’t find it easy to see that the whore differs lots/not from the groupie
1. Perfect, all lights on him, it’s his turn to speak, to lecture us
I look down embarrassed, and pray he won’t sound as grandiose as he always does
Sun goes down, what an amazing symbolic
Darling’s words so diabolic
He says he stands straight while the rest of us are on the verge to slip/of slipping
He says he just loves himself, but oh man, that is devil worship/worshiping
And he teaches me harder lessons than anyone can
Since they come from a perfect resemblance to a man
So he says he will destroy me better than anyone
Destroyed by a perfect resemblance to a man
2. Hush now don’t say a word, it’s his turn to speak, to teach us all we have to know
I hold my breath, look at my hands, neatly placed in my lap, pray to God I won’t fall for the glory of his glow
I‘ve got nothing to put up against him, he’s divine
I just hope his lights contagious, also I want to shine
But he says I can not follow him where he goes
He says I don’t fit his own, plain symbiosis
I offer to love him better than any one can
Love his astonishing resemblance to a man
But he says utmost I may suck him, suck him better than anyone’s done
Happy days, I’m allowed to please someone, resembling a man
Pretending he’s more of a treasure than he is, that’s a problem of his
And I’m pretending he’s divine, that’s a problem of mine
3. Sush now, I mustn’t disturb the master with my stupidity
He deserves to remain uninterrupted by the nativity from someone as low as me
I give him all my attention but ponder what for
I curse “why did you have to come, now that you’re here, never go”
Once was enough, one time to crawl
Woe is me, I love him so
Hence I crawl to him better than anyone can
Crawling for a perfect resemblance to a man
He laughed “dear, where were you when my cum was all over town?”
I say “I was at home waiting for a real man”
“I can fuck you better than any real man can” says he
But all I can deny him is the only thing he wants from me
So when he repeats “I can fuck you better than any real man can”
I say “No thanks, I won’t be fucked by anything just resembling a man
Cause no matter how credible your imitation of a man may be
It’s still not credible enough for me to believe
I loath, I hate, I despise you more than anyone’s done
Since you’re nothing more than a really good resemblance of a man
*his stunning resemblance to a man
1. I gaily open up my heart to throw out all my theories
You think they’re silly, stupid and naive
But at least they come from me
Theories about what is to be
Now that it’s over and gone, because of me
I just try to hold up the illusion that everything’s going to be as before
But I can’t fool me, so I can’t fool you, and you kick away my crutch therefore
Ch. We died when we killed us, and I made it worse for you
You died when I killed you, and let you down
2. (Now) the wind’s blowing the wrong way
And the clouds are going the wrong way
And I sing/say “give me back the days, when I thought I needed you
Cause I don’t anymore, you just make me frown”
I (just) miss the image in my head of what we could have done to history
It’s gone, love’s dead, because of me
3. My dear, what’ll you do now, you’re nothing without my praise?
You were not before I came, I gave you life, I leave, and now’s your dying days
Don’t underestimate me, I got plenty other images in my head
Don’t underrate me, who are you to speak, for fucks sake you’re dead
I offer you one more chance, I demand you take it
Cause I got another theory
If I cannot hold your torch I’m forsaken
Leave me the next dance, take me back for a new dance
And if it breaks, if it’s not, it’s because of me
My hands smells of vomit, did I vomit, guess I did, but not on my hands
Am I gonna make it home in one piece, will I get home alive, not a chance
I’m just trying to stay alive*, and it seems, I’m doing a terrible job
I’m walking through the unknown, I don’t know where I live, and I’m bleeding, pounding, pouring
I’m lost, I can’t find my way home, I count cats, two, they don’t stay when I talk
I count the streets, four, four streets away from my block
Where the fuck is my street?
I can see it, I can smell it, thanks a lot, I’m approaching what’s familiar to me, but when I count the doors, it’s so far away from home
I’ve been here lots of times, I’ve walked this street, if I just make it please, I swear I never eat
Strange screams, this amusement, being hysterical
Feeling so damn sick, fuck it all in italics
This must be a nightmare, it can’t be real
This can’t be, it can’t start all over again
I can’t believe this is happening to me
I’ve got these nails in my head
Who hammered nails my head full of needles?
167, now it’s just one more door, then I be home
But home never done anything for me
Other than provide me with pills I don’t want, food I won’t touch, and a fucking shelter
*survive
1. I’ve, I’ve done some talking lately, I’ve been talking to him, but he never listens to me
He laughed and turned away, I never bothered him anyway
Then he smiled and he did resign
Ch. And he said I’m a cowboy, you’re just my whore toy, I laugh at you and I ride away
When you’re done, I’m gone, before the dawn ends, and you’ll never ever see me again
2. I’ll go get myself a real man, I wasn’t really into cowards
I’ll go get myself a real man, yeah that’s what I’ll do
Cause when I watched all those westerns, it was always the brave ones I could identify myself to
But somehow I got mixed up in my pain.
Fell for a coward, fell in love with him, but he never wanted to stay, he was wanted by the world, and he never will love me
Ch. He’s the cowboy, I’m just a whore toy, he’ll laugh at me when he ride away
When you’re done, I’m gone, before the dawn ends, and you’ll never ever see me again
3. I don’t need you, no I don’t need you, I can be alone with my harmonica, my guitars and I can pretend that I’m Margo Timmins
I can pretend, I go far
I can pretend that I don’t need you, I don’t want you, and I never did
It’s just one thing I don’t understand, the coward went away without letting me triumph by saying
Ch. I’m the cowboy, not just your whore toy, I laugh at him when I ride away
I’m the cowboy, I’ll be gone, before the dawn end, And I‘ll never ever see me again
1. This year’s been and gone, wave goodbye, without any sentiment
This day’s been and gone, and thank God for that
This day’s moodiness is just another in a row
Yes, I’m ashamed, and yes it is my fault
But that doesn’t stop my wining
2. My back’s well bent
I can’t straighten it out
I’m down low
What a pretty assault
No bother for hiding
3. Not the way I meant it to be
This year wasn’t all thrills
I keep lying, I keep taking all my medicine
All my pills
4. This years been 9 moths of entertainment
And 3 months were I just sat
I’ve been using my body as an arrow
And shot down whatever it’s called
And still I don’t aim when I’m firing
5. This year just went
It wasn’t where it’s at
It could have been heaven above
But it wasn’t like that at all
So I go back for dying
6. Give me another chance, give me back the time again, give me back this year once more
Cause this year’s been and gone, and I wave goodbye, what a pretty assault
1. Come slide your hand down my cheek
Slip it into my throat, potential as usual
Wash my inner down your spit
Let me walk the aisles, your aisles
You fuck, you nicked me
Am I ruined? Less than usual
Oh these never endings
This face of hers
This throat of mine
Am I nothing but a thing in your throat?
2. Let me go down, all the way
Go down on you, in you, through your throat
I’m so small, more wee than average
I’m not a human of normal size
So I fit you like a glove
I’m hunting myself, get lost, but am still a voyeur
A look upon you from the inside of my eyelids
I can see you through my red skin
There you are
Your arms, your roughness, cold as no mans air
Disappears, it’s gone now
Where did it go?
How the fuck should I know
What it was
Just a piece of something that never was
If it mattered?
Not a whole lot
So then why does it hurt so much
But at least it hurts less than it usually does
3. Overfilled as usual
But apart from that, probably not much to hang on to
I gotta put it in my mouth
My mouth is yearning for better
But better never comes
I’ve had it with my envy’s breed
I’m not usually this desperate
Well yes, but I can hide it some what better
I’m yearning for better
But better never comes
But what I am, I am about now
And array
Cause at least it burns lots brighter than it usually does
1. Is she coming, no she ain’t
She’s got other stuff to do
Pick fleas, use glue
Anything is better than you
I was just a hole to him
I wish that I could care some more
I wish that I could care
But I don’t
Cause my head is spinning
And you’re all wrong
I know where I’m heading
I’m heading south
Not only south, but south east
To see the man who feels
So I go back to sleep
Just unhappy that I didn’t care more
I wish that I could care some more
2. Are you coming, no he ain’t
He’s got other stuff to do
Eat his rice and go home
He claims the journey to my house’s too long
I wish that he could care some more
But he don’t
Cause his head is spinning
He’s beyond himself
He’s angry with me, cause I don’t care
3. But I tell you something, no one else may ever know
It raised my ego, he made me grow
He had a sense of humor and a fling of taste
And he made me sit here writing off his face
And I was cut off by the pore
And my ego claims it wish it could care some more
But to my heart I burn my wedding dress
And know that I wish I could care less
4. I never give up, you are in my soul
Till all is forgotten, forgiven and mold
Till the next lover comes to slay me I wait
For us to start anew, begin again
I shall see you again with black eyes and mouth
Finish my cup, you will know you missed out
You missed out and messed up but now you understand
I can give you another chance
And we will love and shall so do
In a new future me and you
I wish I didn’t want it so much
I wish I stopped long for your kisses and touch
I wish I stood a ghost of a chance at all
I claim I wish I cared some more
You shoveled me
I aged to a hundred years old
I grind my teeth, claim I don’t care at all
1. I’m being punished again, have done some wrong
Now I will honor the one I love
Bow down for the one above
The man I will honor with a song
Guess he hurt me tremendously
He who I know can be quite friendly
He who has nothing to do with me
He who hasn’t loved me lately
Ch. So this is goodbye now ain’t it?
You are walking out for good
Apparently I didn’t make you tremble
So you walking out to leave me out of bloom
And I will remain here with some spare thoughts to assemble
2. Have mercy on me light, don’t blind me
I need the darkness to forget
Avoid recall the souvenirs I have yet
Unfortunately I saw them as a remedy
I reject it, the impression of him being HE
Even more so, I saw him as my enemy
He was nothing like I want HIM to be
But pull my legs, he hasn’t loved me lately
Ch. So this is goodbye now ain’t it?
You are walking out for good
Apparently I didn’t make you tremble
So you walking out to leave me out of bloom
And I will remain here with some spare thoughts to assemble
Br. I dreamed tonight of his return
But he is gone to stay
He got his way
And I wonder when it’s gonna be my turn
Well he’s gone now he too
They all go after a while
Apparently I’m not good enough for their held back smiles
You drop me, throw me, without even had me used
But the last laugh’s on me, You’re mere a muse
After you’ve been gone sometime
My only memory of you are these lines
Ch. So this is goodbye now ain’t it?
You are walking out for good
Apparently I didn’t make you tremble
So you’re walking out for good
To leave me with some spare thoughts to assemble
1. Someone said when it’s over let it go
I can’t let go cause I never had
Nothing ever changes for someone like me
Nothing changes for me and Minerva
Minerva and I gave up our dreams
We gave ‘em all up with nothing to keep
Now it’s all over
Now it’s all gone
Gone for me and Minerva
2. Minerva’s grave stone was her man
My grave stone was forfeit
Now Minerva’s gone and buried
But I live on with my grief
I’m departed, I mourn Minerva
She was my twin, my martyr, my heroine
I’m Minerva cloned, reborn
Reincarnated Minerva is my fate
Nothing ever helps, nothing ever helps us
Born with strength, live loose, we are abandoned, we are alone
3. It’s just you and me now
I shouldn’t worship someone like you
I’m so ill at health, I’m so in his hell
We thought we knew better, we thought it change for us
But Minerva, nothing changes for people like us
Minerva’s grave stone was herself
My grave stone’s manmade
You could never be saved
Can someone save me? Save me, save me
4. No one saved Minerva
They left her to sink
I’m to her linked
Sinking together, oh it hurts to hit the bottom
We are the clay, we are in the clay
5. Thank you Minerva for going through this once before me
If you hadn’t I don’t know how I’d bare it
I am sleeping, I can’t wake
I am falling, can not stand
I am a living corpse
I am in such overwhelming pain
I dream of being someone’s muse
I beg for being someone’s art
I settle with lying alone in my bed
Thinking about Minerva
*Mileva
1. It’s been so long since I saw him
I can’t remember his smell anymore
But I can still recall
His words in the deepest of my core
But I can’t recall his laughter
And I can’t recall his brother’s name
But I can recall his reason
For causing me this great pain
Ch. I will haunt you for the rest of my days
I lie on my knees wailing
One day I persuade you to ignore my face
Till then I’ll be on my knees wailing
2. Haven’t given up though I know how you feel
I chose not to care
If I begin to stalk you, it’ll be more than you can bare
Then you give up for my nagging
Then you be mine
But I’m afraid I’ve seen no such sign
Ch. You will haunt me for the rest of my days
You brought me to my knees wailing
One day we be in the same grave swaying
Till then I’ll be on my knees wailing
Br. You brought me down on my knees to quail
You brought me to lie here and moan and wail
Ch. I will haunt you for the rest of your days
You be on your knees wailing
One day we be in the same bed laying
Till then I’ll be on my knees wailing
1. I come from the north, where the ground is covered and white*
I’m in charge of the snow, I’m the queen of the winter and night
I own the brightness, I own the ice
I exchange them cheaply for a piece of light
Ch. I’m the queen of the cold
I’m the lady of the snow
2. I blow up the snowstorm to cover the street
The mountain I possess and freeze their heart beat
My coat of fur, my hair long, my tiara in place
I conquer the warmth with pale satin and lace
Ch. I’m the queen of the cold
I’m the coldest lady of them all
3. The crystals that falls form the sky is mine
The bells and the songs are my rhythm and my rhyme
My brightness, my darkness, I’m cosy and pale
All is black in the night except the frost I lay
Ch. I’m the queen of the cold
I’m the lady that always is pure**
4. Nothing is more exquisite than what I create
Nothing is less appreciated than the cold that I make
You hide in your home, comes out when I’m melted and faded
Then it’s my turn to hide from the heat that I hate
Ch. I’m the queen of the cold
I’m the loneliest queen of them all
*in white/ in bright
** I’m the lady that never grows old
One hour after it’s gone
Yeah what happened to all the magic that was supposed to be
All the gloom, all the light, blossom, I don’t blossom, I just daze
Yeah my head’s on a trip, doing tricks, feeling dim and embarrassed
From the beginning I stood close, not meant to be there
Then it doesn’t matter how much I have me to drink
It doesn’t matter how my dreams are built
All that matters is it’s dim and awkward here
They tried, they did, but not hard enough
All attempts to blow a candle, firestorm, to blow the wind off the wind, to blow me
It’s freezing, it’s, it’s too cold, it’s too bright, it’s too filthy, I’m too tired
Yeah they all love me, ain’t it, yeah they all want me, ain’t it
Yeah they can spread my skull to a carpet and I’m still not like her, ain’t it
You don’t like me, ain’t it, but I don’t care, do I
You just remind me of what I can’t have
No matter how much my head spins, I don’t wish for a new beginning
I don’t wish for nothing, not for you to comprehend
And you don’t get it, do you, you don’t see the light
You got better things to do, ha, with better people to do it with
Well fuck off with all your people, I’ve forgotten about you
Just like I forget everything that I never really knew
I don’t want to cloud, but I gotta give my head some air
I’m nauseous, I sleep to release some fear
I’m scared, blind and stupid, just like the rest of you
I’m dizzier each minute, all that mattered was the walk, all that mattered was the bottle
One hour after it’s gone
1. Of withdrawal I’ve had it, I didn’t want to go so soon
But this has to come to an end now, I’ve had it with being in womb
Yes the vacuum gotta fill
Yes the vacuum gotta fill
Yes the vacuum gotta fill
Ch. Cause I think it’s time to move on
Find something better that ain’t quite as still
Yes I think it’s time to move on
Yes the vacuum gotta fill
2. Remain for one more day
After that I have to change
The cause it way be wrong, but this can’t go on
I gotta move on
Yes the vacuum gotta fill
Yes the vacuum gotta fill
Yes the vacuum gotta fill
Ch. Cause I think it’s time to move on
Find something better that ain’t quite as still
Yes I think it’s time to move on
Yes the vacuum gotta fill
3. An orgy in self embarrassment, only comfort a bottle of wine
But how does one fill once vacuum, how does one wake up?
They tried, I didn’t
I sighed, they didn’t
I see through myself, I analyze my silence
So now it’s time to get some excitement
I wish I was drunk, I wish I was a pilot
I shall stop wishing, wishing time’s over
Fuck it, fuck it, I gotta kill
And the vacuum gotta fill
Yes the vacuum gotta fill
Yes the vacuum gotta fill
Ch. Cause I think it’s time to move on
Find something better that ain’t quite as still
Yes I think it’s time to move on
Yes the vacuum gotta fill
4. I have to fill the vacuum, all by myself
No one’s ever done anything for anybody else
So I guess I have to move on
I roll over on the other side and go back to sleep
But tomorrow my vacuum gotta fill
I’m gonna say yes to change of distress
Outro. I just filled the vacuum
The lizard woman saying goodbye
The man-child left the hell hole
The lizard woman’s waving goodbye
Yeah I’m a lizard woman
I’m a road runner and I’m a ghost
But at least I know how to fill vacuums
Yeah my vacuum’s filled up, and it’s time to move on
(fade out)
1. I’ve got nothing, that’s okay, that’s all I ever asked for
I ain’t got no mans love, that’s okay, I’m not in need of love anymore
So how come, when nothing moves me, I’m not feeling good at all
Oh fuck how my body’s sore
Ch. “Go devour yourself elsewhere” they say
But I ain’t got nowhere to go
So I remain here chewing the leftovers of what once was my corpse
I devour myself in public, since I ain’t got nowhere to hide
If I could, I would but I can’t so I remain here in sight
Swallowing down my body parts in broad daylight
2. “You’re too sick” they say, I think “you haven’t seen a thing”
“We don’t like you” they say, I think “they don’t treat me like a human being”
“Well you’re not they say, you’re not one of us”
I think “Oh, that’s a terrible loss”
Ch. “Go alienate yourself elsewhere” they say
But I ain’t got nowhere to go
So I remain here chewing the leftovers of what once was my corpse
I devour myself in public, since I ain’t got nowhere to hide
If I could, I would but I can’t so I remain here in sight
Swallowing down my body parts in broad daylight
Br. Can someone else devour me; I’m not hungry on my own flesh
But no one wants to taste me, including my remains
I’ve had it with being worked out, used up, washed up, but I wouldn’t mind that much
If I only didn’t have to be so lonely, if I had someone or something such
I’m tired of sitting here waiting, for things that does not come
Nothing ever changes, oh fuck I’m so alone
Ch.2. I devour myself in private, and wait for things to change
But everything stays the same, isn’t that awfully strange
That no matter how much I chew
I’m still just leftovers to you
1. Oh no, I’m broken again
Broken by a man, I’ll never see again
Broken by a man who didn’t deserve much love
But the love he deserved, I could have given a lot of
2. Oh no, I’m broken by a man
One of hundreds that I never knew
Hundreds of men, that have left me broken
Hundreds of men, that didn’t want me
Hundreds of times I didn’t learn from
It hurts a little more every time
3. Oh no I’m broken again
By one of billion of men that doesn’t want me
Not because of my asocial behavior
But simply because I am ugly
I degrade and lower myself till I’m gone
Worship him down on my knees
And thank the lord when I inhale the air that he breathes
Br. When no one can see me I fall to the ground
Touches his footprint with unworthy hands
He’s my god, he’s my altar
He’s all I ever wanted
His name is my prayers, his face is my church
And I am just not much worth
4. Oh no, I’m broken again
It’s gonna take some time before I get over him
Time I spend thinking what it would have been like to have his sadness within me
What his lips could play in my face
To hear him whisper his tortures and failures out
But I guess that is not going to happen now
5. Oh no, I could have erased his pain
And by erasing his pain, I could have erased mine
But I will never see him again
I remain alone, unloved and incomplete
Rest assured that soon another man will re-break me
1. He called me six times in one evening
He wrote me three letters, six birthday cards
And oooh, thank you for loving me
2. He welcomed me to his cabin
He kissed me, he touched me, he listened to my voice
Oooh, thank you for loving me
Ch. I resemble darkness, I resemble lacking faith
I am not a spark yet, I’m not worthy of your hate
I will always want you, I need your guidance in my life
I can not walk or stand
I need you to hold me upright
3. He kicked me into his walls
Splashed my skull, broke all bones
Slammed my head in the floor, the blood all over made me thankful
Oooh, thank you for loving me
4. He kicked me out bleeding, he said “never come around again”
Oooh, thank you for loving me
5. I called him to explain my behavior
I apologized, aimed to tell him, I’ll always be there for him
Oooh, thank you for loving me
Ch. I resemble weakness, I got no courage here
I am stuck in my old tracks, I know your love could make me heal
I’m sure that you could get me, back on my feet
I know that your love would make me complete
6. I called him six times in one evening
I wrote him three letters, 16 birthdays cards
And oooh, thank you for loving me
And oooh, thank you for loving me
Pathetic mascara, put on my mask, and long for the summer, when I can wear short dresses
Cause if I shave my legs and eat vitamin C
Then I’ll be pretty and then someone will love me
A new dress, a new feeling
How awfully appealing
All the languages I speak
I’m so interesting
If I just learn to dance, grow breasts and stop curse
Then I might be loved, cause then I am a real girl
And I sing my chansons that all rhyme with “why” and “die”
And I sing like a folk singer with light pink Mavala on my finger
nails, And read Jane Austen*, bleach my hair, operate my face
Then all the men will fall for my new born grace
If I promise just to sip on my drinks
Not talk about myself on our dates
If I fake my orgasms to make him feel like a stud
Then can I have a little love?
I believe I’ve got something within
But for a little love, I shut up and leave the glaring and glowing to him
And I fat suck my hips, move the flesh to my lips
And try grow and interest in shopping, make up and clothes
And if I learn how to giggle, hold my mouth closed when I chew
Then I might get love from a man like you
Yes a man, for a man I yearn
To be loved, to get married is to be confirmed
Whatever as long as I’m not alone
I need help to get out of this fucking hole
And if that means refabric my body and face
Then give me the best surgeon with knives and razors
If that means give up my opinions and dreams
I do it, they never meant that much to me
If I get a man with kisses sweet
Who calls me his baby when I wash his feet
Then, then, then you’ll see
Just how natural I would be
As if it wasn’t thee
First time someone loved me
*And read romantic classic literature
