1. I got this Magrittemoon shining through the trees in the morning
Lumps all over, in a beautiful world
I need to run inside, need shelter, no warning
Eyelashes stuck in the looking glass, such a stupid girl
I wish I were para as in paracomando and not as in paranoid
I’ve been so tired and sad lately, stuffed as well as void
I don’t come any closer to what I want in life, just farther away from what I don’t want, but I’m not sure that’s a good enough compromise
These people who feed on us, deceive us, then leave us seems like they’ve got monopoly on our lives
We drown the silence with our closed mouths shut
I guess to most of you, I’m nothing more than a rabbit to gut

Ch. What do we do with our dead bullies, sacrifice ‘em or let them burn?
When they’re dead they can’t ask for forgiveness so I forgive myself in their turn

2. My grandmother brought me a kitten in my sleep
I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment to you
My woman one day I’ll make you proud of me, then you’ll see, that I can be more than a screw-up, I’ll stop fucking up too
I dream of Tilda, of what she might have been like, of who she might have been
All these years later, the answers are lost, and woman turns into dreams
I’m really sorry I never lived up to the example you set, you the perfect role model, me just a fake mezzo-soprano out of tune
Regardless how many times you say my forehead’s clean, I still can’t stop envy or hate you

Ch. So what do we do with our living bullies, command them to love us or hang up the phone?
As long as she’s suppressing me, I never can be my own

3. I’ve grown too stiff to be influenced, to change or to change form
I’ve grown too old to have or gain any idols, I’m too old to be taken by storm
I’ve grown weaker as I’ve watched you grow harder, baby you’re one cruel man
How can you say you love me, if all you really think of me is that I am
A dumb bitch, a stupid whore, a cunt and a dyke and a frigid slut. I just nod when you say I should be glad you’ve taken me in
In the end we’re just a triangle with one limping side, one numb side, and one side that’s completely missing
We have to change for nobody, ‘cause nobody tells us just what to do
But if we were like normal couples wouldn’t you want me to love you, more than I hate you

Ch. God, what do we do with the kind of bullies that we share bed with every night
Destroy the destroyers, or let them destroy us, or just give up with no fight

1. “I Love him, I love him, I love him, I love him” I think as you twist my arm but I say “You only hit me in places that don’t show no bruises, like my skull and never my face”
“I learned that in the army” you answer and I say I love you when you say you’re sorry, but you don’t really mean it, break out in laughter and take a new sway
So when some bitch calls and talks about some guy that didn’t want her, I wanna tell her:

Ch. “Bitch think about us with our blackmailers: “if you leave me, I’ll be dead in less than a week”
Think about those who don’t love us, though they say they do, in-between blows
Think of us that get our faces slapped, then watch our lovers die
Think of us that don’t dare to say, “you can’t even fuck me when you’re fucked
and you won’t even touch me unless you’re drunk”
Think of us, Think of us, Think of us”

2. My masochist mantra: “This ain’t life; it’s just a collection of bad experiences”
No wonder I always wind up feeling like shit, when these cannibals eat me each day, its biology, babe
So the bitch calls and cries and cries while I give triple CPR
“I’m sorry I’m a little distracted, I’m sorry if I don’t care at all
Just one final bit of/word of advice before I gotta go: Honey there’s no use for sacrifice when nobody’s looking”

Ch. Think of us that don’t feel better, that don’t get happy, and don’t stay happy when we do
Think of us whose eyes are tired and old and ask our lovers “What the fuck am I, your mum?”
Think of us who want revenge, that want to laugh on the gravestones of the ones to blame
Think of us, Think of us, Think of us

Ch. Think of us that are too scared to say “I’m so tired of your drinking”
How we always have to hurry ‘cause the stores close so early here
Think of us living in constant censorship;
“Honey, don’t speak like that in front of the beer”
Think of us, Think of us, Think of us

Ch. Think of us who when asked for the millionth time “did he do THAT?”
Still lie and smile and say “no”
But pray for those of us who will miss the sounds of our jaws breaking
When it is his time to go

1. So we’ve reached the breaking point, the point where everything crumbles and falls down in pieces
But there are traces of what once stood there, like a temple or a statue from the times of the ancient Greeks or Jesus
With the evidence laid out before me like this, I think about your brother and his last thoughts before death
Were they of his children, his wife, you or all of us that he never met?
How can I ever look at your face again without seeing that flesh tone on you?
I didn’t know that color existed, that kind of purple, that kind of blue
Before Easter you arose, after what could have been our Last Supper, time is on repeat again
A few hours later we walk and we both know how close it was that the moment never had been
And I feel we’ve been punished rather than blessed, then again I guess, I’m not that kind of person, for me the glass is always half empty
It’s the forth day of the forth month of the forth year. The light hurts
So we were our sunglasses against the bright and we’re cool in every sense of the word
Addicted you taught me how to die
Your grandmother looked so peaceful
But you like all the devils were eating you from the inside

Ch. Little girl they should name streets after you
Raise statues, build cathedrals, on their chests; your face, a sweet tattoo
They should write and they should praise, canvasses, name their newborn babies and that’s how it is to be for always days

2. We pretend holiness and we chase the light, let’s face it, good beats bad if it doesn’t vanish it transforms hence:
Every injustice, all wrath, all the bad we do, one day will make perfect sense
I guess I’m on plus now, I can even kill a man and still be considered righteous
But I gotta chose my victim carefully, I gotta pick a man, worse than thee, if I’m not to land on minus
So since I’ve done the greatest good I’m a heroine so brave that rules over both death and justice
If I preformed a miracle like a demi-god, well how come I never felt smaller than this?
 
Br. Before: astonished by the Lara Croft lips in the reflection, with music from the classical radio station playing softly
After: You puking your guts out in the bathroom while I hide under the sheet* and the dog tries to comfort me
In-between that:

Addicted how am I to go on after this?
Normally just once we come close to the end
How many lives did you use up now my friend?**
(Where is my camera?)

Ch. Little girl they should name streets after you
Raise statues, build cathedrals, on their chests; your face, a sweet tattoo
They should write and they should praise, canvasses, name their newborn babies and that’s how it is to be for always days

* I try to sleep
** You got left now my friend

1. I wear my eyeliner like a mustache, and my lipstick like a shield
To protect me from your drinking, to cover up in every field
Just when hope starts to recharge, faith spits you straight in the face
Baby I’ll dress my size if you start dress your age
A virtue to forgive, but to forgive day on day the same
Jesus just can’t have meant that, blasphemous be my name
You were your parents mistake and now your mine
I carry my cross through what’s supposed to be acceptable
Far from what’s supposed to be fine
Makes me think of that saying “if you saved someone’s life, you gotta nurture it the rest of your own”
But honey I quit, my strength is rotting, like the flesh from my bones

Ch. I was killed, I was killed, I was killed, I was killed
I was killed in a fight between two men, a good and a bad, a sane against a mad
The catwalk screamed look out, but it was too late, I should have seen it coming, but I just didn’t know I get caught in the line of fire

2. I drink vodka with water to be economical for our sake
And you know who spends and who speaks, but with a crippled voice, not like it used to be
So if it’s that bad, if it sucks, if I’m such trash, then why do I love myself so much, why do I love us?
Minus your drinking, and your bad habits, your lies
Baby if you promise to dress your age, I’ll dress my size
I just want everything to be normal
I wanna live like normal people do
I’ve had enough of death tolls, they’re against my whole being and turning me against you

Ch. I was killed, I was killed, I was killed, I was killed
I was killed in a fight ‘tween my brother, my hero, my twin, my soul mate and his heroin
My ego screamed look out, but it was too late, I should have seen it coming, but I just didn’t know I get caught in the line of fire

3, Well how can you be my soul mate, my twin, my brother, my life
If you hate my nagging that much, if we’re so unalike?
But I wear my expensive sunglasses, try not to look at men
They do their best I’m sure, ridiculous or not, but I still can’t love or respect ‘em
It’s just you, it’s just you so much, I try to pretend it’s not you so much
I wanna smack ‘em all dead, the people that killed you, baby they were just jealous
I wanna erect your vampire, unleash your demon, let you suck ‘em dry and leave me alone
We don’t think of the future, we just drink and I stink, but so does the things we cannot mention

Ch. And I was killed, I was killed, I was killed, I was killed
I was killed by a man in a bad shape, a different cookie, ain’t that your own words?
My friends all said look out, but now it’s too late, I really should have seen it coming, but I just didn’t know I get caught in the line of fire

4. I never saw a couple like us, I tried, their fee too expensive, but you cheep enough
and me to ugly for a good man, we’re worthless or something such
We just need each other, me cause I’m too ugly to find someone else, you cause your parents didn’t want you
Then again, we wouldn’t have met if they had treated you like parents are supposed too
But we have ambitions of some kind, yours involve dying, my involve destruction
You refuse to change, to fit my frame, resist the final phase of your reconstruction

Ch. I was killed, I was killed, I was killed, I was killed
I was killed in a state of decadence, imploded love and lies
We all screamed look out, but it was too late, I did see it coming, well aware I was caught in the line of fire

* Then again, we wouldn’t have met people had treated you like they were supposed too

1. Well hard worker look around, notice, you ended up in neurosis
Ain’t a pretty sight, no what is surrealism compared to this mess?
When I’m eaten by my own intestines, I remember Jonah, eaten by a whale
So what kind of place is this, with half kilo ghosts balancing on the scale?
And what kind of love we have, that places me here?
It’s just the modern day’s society’s version of famine dear
Well who do think you are in your mass murderer outfit
If you say one more word with your sarcastic smirk, I let my man kill you dead

2. They’re part-time mummy’s and full time workers, yet they’re teeth are rotting in their
mouths
Their uselessness as proper parents makes the cartoon generation eat its heart out
They don’t believe in themselves, so they don’t believe in their daughters
So they laugh their children straight in their faces, punish them with fascist orders
The girls are scared to death, to follow their own wills and mind
But behind their blind mothers’ backs, they let their boyfriends take them on the kitchen table
from behind

3. I count time in grandmothers, a few grandmothers ago, people were still sold as slaves
A few grand mummies from now, I’ll still be stuck in this place
My tasteless face, my faceless face, the faces of faces, I place in my face
I put on my ugliest costume and parade, hon’, it’s better to be late, than too late
I cease to consume when I realize others have to suffer like I’ve done
But then again, you gotta give the doctors a little to work on
I don’t know why I have to rape myself, there’s gotta be another way
I just suffer so much, I’m like Jesuschristvirginmaryoftheholygrail everyday
It feels like I’m fifteen again, with spit running up and down my spine
Feeling worthless, being worth more, all my grins are gone but I say I’m fine
Our phones are like cast out messages in bottles to the world outside
And we’re stuck in this monument of things we’ve been denied

Outro. I’ve cleaned washed my hands, so they no longer drop of martyrs
The sacrifice may be grand, but we’re all just still lives in this world.
I’ve cleaned washed my hands, so they no longer drop of martyrs
The sacrifice may be grand, but we’re all just still lives in this world
(fade out)

1. 5.29 straight through the liver, another one of us down, through another mans rage
How long do we all have to wait, before we get saved
Flashlight, murder, white hair
All crucified women and no one who cares
Cut the children, stab the women, leave their bodies in the woods
It’s the darker days of womanhood

2. We may not talk about no weaker sex and we
May not talk about no femininity
But we may talk about our bare bodies
When we fall like executed soldiers each day
It’s a war we never fight, just caught up in a haste
No it doesn’t matter who you are, your place in society
All that matter is gender and when/if you’re a woman you die in the woods
It’s the darker days of womanhood

3. Supporters in chat rooms while daughters are buried
Feminism ain’t a philosophical topic, it’s graveyards, hospitals, butchers and urns
It’s all the women bleeding, getting killed in the woods
It’s the darker days of womanhood

Ch. I can not bear your burdens
They’re a much too heavy load
I can not bear your burdens
Make me kneel down on this road

1. Hey babe, come over here
Let’s take back what we used to have
Before our fights became lethal
We used to be lego, we were pangaea
At that time nothing could separate us
Nothing could hold us a part
Now I’m down on my knees with a broken spirit

Ch. I can not bear your burdens
It’s either yours or mine
I can not carry us both
I stoop before the finishing line

2. What do you want from me?
What else and more can I do
I know that I hurt you
But you hurt me more
And if you put up with me, you’ll be greatly rewarded
Cause we’re lego and pangea
You’re my missing half
You don’t get that, I do, but yet we both give up

Ch. I will bear your burdens
I can not bear your burdens
I will bear our burdens
But I can not bear your burdens

1. This world’s been bad to me 
And I’ve known all along that God always hated my guts
But He gave you to me 
Therefore I thank him, but there’s too many if or buts 
Cause this chicken is lost, this coward is doubting, this frightened can’t make a decision 
What’s the right way, this one ain’t, we both agree, but which one is then? 
So scared and/we cover our horror in anger, not a good suit, but efficient enough (most of the time)

Ch. No one’s gonna make me feel that low again, No one’s gonna make me feel that bad
again 
I found love and happiness and warm arms around my waist 
And no ones gonna make me feel that way again, no one’s gonna make me feel this bad again
 
2. What kind of love we have?
My eardrums explode from your screams, my cries 
All this hell we have 
Don’t know what’s worse, my honesty or your lies 
He says I’m insane, I find it slightly worrying to hear that from someone who knows me (this well) 
But at the same time, I find it a bit flattering; thinkin' crazy’s always been the healthiest way to be 
So if I’m little dead writing hood, then what/who the hell are you? 
Isn’t it magic what a mad man can do? 

Ch. No one’s gonna make me feel that low again, No one’s gonna make me feel that/this bad
again 
I found love and happiness and warm arms around my waist
And no ones gonna make me feel that way again, no one’s gonna make me feel this bad
again/that way again 

3. Sometimes I wanna break your face 
Once I was both taller and heavier than you, when we were babies I would/could have kicked your ass 
Now I wanna kiss your face 
God’ll burn ‘em from what they did to us in our pasts 
I wanna free you from all that happened, and in return you defend me from them 
Cause I’m powerless most of the time, I just let you be the weapon I use and 
We’re scared and cover our horror in fists, a good enough suit, efficient enough most of the time 
What are we doing in here when it’s so pretty outside? 

Br. No one’s gonna make me feel this way again
No one’s gonna make me feel this way again 
No one’s gonna make me, No one’s gonna make me, No one’s gonna make me, No one’s
gonna make me 

Ch. No one’s gonna make me feel that low again, No one’s gonna make me feel that bad
again 
I found love and happiness and warm arms around my waist 
And no ones gonna make me feel that way again, no one’s gonna make me feel this bad
again/that way again 

1. And he bit off my face, hap, chuck, what a lekker bite I was in his tummy
And I screamed “mama don’t watch this please. Plug your ears don’t listen mummy”
And I screamed “help me daddy, see, see what they do to me” 
What a dangerous boy, boy with curls, more curls than most girls 
And everyday I have to pay, for the things they used to say 
It’s been 10.000 years but the bill is still rising

Ch. You fat fucking bitch, no wonder the dinosaurs became extinct 
With forefathers like yours, you eat cows, horses, frogs, swallow them whole 
Whale heart, whale heart, blue whale heart 

2. I’m a great believer in the alphabetic order 
So I scream where are your balls now you fucking coward? 
You gutless fuck that used to haunt me, loved to taunt me, all with good intent, guilty until proven innocent 
But I never passed that test either, gave myself a good grade, I’m a great cheater 
What’s the harm in that? We all know the truth is usually to find between two lies and a Christ 
I guess I’m supposed to be all right, but the bill still rise 

Ch. How convenient the slaughters’ been cancelled even though an other one takes place
But who bears in mind the victim? You took so much from me, I want it back 
What is wrong with me that make people stare? 
(Everything was so much better when you were here)
Whale heart, whale heart, blue whale heart 

3. Looking up to the sky but I just catch the ceiling 
I think I put my fear there from now on 
That’s the problem with these modern day houses
There’s never any beams to hang yourself from 
I guess I’m supposed to say thanks cause I learned so much from you 
Most of it bad, not that much good 
I have learned to speak, I have learned to crawl, I have learned to say/scream “fuck you all”
I’ve learned to say my name out loud, a heavy price, and the bill still rise 

1. All sound disappears, just a pressure on my eardrums
The air coagulates; get thick as gas and it’s visually not transparent
I scream, I cry, I step out of myself
I sail the ceiling, looking at the me that is in hell

2. It was a pretty note that he wrote
But a pretty letter, don’t make me feel better
I want her back, nevertheless

Ch. She, my baby

Br. Everybody tells me she’s in heaven, everybody tells ‘bout the soul
But I don’t care if life goes on, I want my baby back in my arms once more

Outro. I lost my daughter, I had nightmares but nevertheless
I never could guess, that she was gone
So what do I do now, an eight years old daughter poorer?
Tattoos on my arm, kill someone not worthy to love? Screams stuck down my throat
Look on the bright side; I got one less loved one to worry about
Lucky me, now I got one less to live for
What wouldn’t I do to hold her in my arms once more?

1. One of us was born on the north and the other on the south side of town
We walked our different directions of paths, but ended up in the same spot anyhow
You made all my previous lovings, seem like sad jokes and bad dreams
If I had known that you’d come along
I never had let them in

Ch. Now you explode and I implode and both of us are o´ so happy

2. We ain’t easy to live with, our mood swings, our wars
We’re too stubborn, always wanna win, one cuts the arm, one breaks the door
One minute you’re dancing on the benches
Making me laugh more than I done all my life but then
You disappear, lie and give me my fair share of Rudy-ten

Ch. Now you scream and now I cry and both of us are o´ so happy

3. I can’t believe it’s the same person, one second saying I’m the love of his life
Next one raging, calling me a fucking dyke
But it’s the same man who kiss me and swirls me around
The same one who hits me to the ground

Ch. But I love you and you love me, and both of us are o’ so happy

1. Everything is so ugly today
The people I see, I just wanna bash their heads in
I point finger at a little girl
I stare at another child with murder in my eyes, murder
It’s the death game, every look is a bullet
I shoot you off with my eyes
One after another
No mercy, I don’t care who goes next
Man, woman, young, old

Ch. Why can’t you understand how much I love you?
Why can’t you understand how much I love you?

2. You ain’t gonna make it home tonight
It’s too many steps and you don’t feel good enough
You get arrested, my heart beats irregularly
Can’t you be bored with me?
Don’t you wanna see my pretty face?
Are you bored with me? I can’t sleep

Ch. Why can’t you understand how much I love you?
Why can’t you understand how much I love you?

3. Nowadays we play the death game with each other
Every time we meet, one goes down, through the ground
We are too different, have two different goals
Have we got anything left to talk about?
If it ends here, its’ your fault
I hate you so much, God I hate you

Ch. Why can’t you understand how much I love you?
Why can’t you understand how much I love you?
Why can’t you understand how much I love you?
Why can’t you understand how much I love you?

1. I wipe the foam off his lips
I dry his sweaty forehead
I clean the bended, burned spoons
And wash his bloody t-shirts clean from the red
You write pretty notes, are sorry, promise never to do it again
I ain’t believing, but I can’t tell you, if you think you can fool me, maybe then you can fool yourself
And get us out of this hell*

2. Last night he didn’t come home
He’s safe anyway, I know where he’s staying, drunk or cheating or in jail
You don’t like it when I eat in bed
I guess my crumbs are worse that your blood dying our sheets red
I wash, I clean, I watch TV, I’m a very good housewife
Who would have known it hurt so much to find the love of your life
So where was I when my friends were talking?
Where was I when my teachers were talking?
Where was I when my parents were talking?
Where was I?
Where was I?
Where was I?

3. I don’t wanna give up on you, but sometimes I feel like you’re just more than I can chew
But I can’t give up on you, I keep hoping, but 13 years is a long time, 13 years is a long time

4. You promise, say you never do it again
Then you apologise, so sorry, ain’t it better not to do it in the first place then?

* maybe then you can beat yourself, And get out of this hell